I have to just go ahead and put it out there to the universe: 2012 has left me largely dissatistified.
Everything's fine husband-and-kids wise, although I'm sure my ability to parent and be a good partner are affected by my dissatisfaction/being a sour puss. Part of it's my career, part of it is myself. I just feel out of sorts. Some crappy stuff happened this year, and some good stuff too, but I'm just run-down. Bleh.
I don't know where my career is going, or where I want it to go. I just know at the moment I feel adrift. It's like being on a boat without a working motor. But it's a comfortable boat, with plenty to eat and sunshine and entertainment. So, I feel bad complaining about it in the least bit, when there are people drowning all around me, who'd love to be on my boat. And I could just get off my lazy ass and fix the motor and get things going again, but then I'd actually have to read the manual.
Kind of a crappy metaphor? Yeah. But the point is, I have it within my power to get things moving again within my job and take on new projects and get past recent disappointments and stop just going through the motions. So, I need to do it. I just haven't found the energy yet. I'm hoping that the New Year will bring renewed motivation and inspiration. There's a lot to be done, I just need a better attitude.
Anyway, stuff I've accomplished this year:
1. Got a full time job. Yay. Actually, I was already working full time, but now I work full time, in one place, and get proper pay.
2. I joined the community orchestra. Okay, so I still suck. But I'm getting better. I could use to practice more.
3. I lost 15 pounds. Then I gained 10 back. Since October. Sigh.
4. I completed my cooking challenge, and the Husband owes me a double oven.
5. I finally got my student loans into a repayment plan, and in 2023, once my loans are forgiven, I can quit practicing law and, I dunno, open an amigurumi store on Etsy or something, like, whatever.
Stuff I want to accomplish in 2013:
1. Figure out what the hell to do with myself career-wise. Stop being a sour puss.
2. Suck less at playing violin. The ultimate goal is to be able to eventually play the pieces in their entirety, instead of dumbing them down. (Like, I pretty much had to play one out of every three notes the last time, there was just no way I could play triplets that fast.)
3. Lose 40 pounds. Seriously, I'm going to fucking drop dead if I don't stop eating so much cheese.
4. Learn to sew. Weirdly, I've caught the bug for it lately. This has a back story. Okay, I know how to sew, crudely. My grandmother sewed, and tried to teach me, but she was self-taught and mostly eyeballed things and made her own patterns, so trying to learn from her was a bit of a failure. Also, she made ugly grandmotherly stuff, and I wasn't into that.
I want to be able to make costumes. I know, that's so nerdy. I actually did make my Amy Pond kissogram costume two Halloweens ago (from Doctor Who, for those of you who are less geeky). But I'm not just talking cosplay. Stuff for ballet performances and school plays and whatnot. And hey, maybe to sell along with my amigurumi when I retire from law. And I'd also like to be able to hem my own pants, because I really don't know how to do that in a way that doesn't look stupid and I'm cheap and don't want to pay a tailor.
So, I've purchased a low-end sewing machine. I'm going to take a sewing class, probably over the summer when there's no orchestra to compete with.
5. Get an article published this year.
6. Start writing fiction again. In case the whole amigurumi thing doesn't work well, I'll just write the great American novel. There's a fiction-writing workshop being offered at our local bookstore this semester. I'm considering it.
7. Relearn Spanish. Cora starts kindergarten in August, and she'll be going to the Spanish immersion school. I'd better brush up on some Spanish otherwise my kid will be badmouthing me in a language I don't understand.
So, there it is. Resolutions, regrets, et al. Happy New Year!