At the start of 2011, I had just begun working part-time at the Clinic, was doing some contract work for a friend, and doing some solo work for myself. I had one kid. I was unknowingly pregnant. I'm reasonably sure it's my husband's, and not that of a mass-murdering angsty teenage rape ghost. But you never know.
Throughout 2011, however...
I wrote grant applications to fund my job that we didn't get.
I drafted a syllabus to pitch an externship we did get.
I lost a hearing and a friend went to jail. That friend lost to his addiction, and we lost him.
I grew a baby. It made me ill and uncomfortable, but thankful that everything was normal.
My car exploded. It tapped my savings to fix it.
A cousin got married. Another cousin had a baby. My husband's grandparents celebrated 60 years together.
We paid off most of my credit card debt.
My contract work dried up.
The world didn't end.
My kid plays the violin. I'm starting to remember how.
I applied for jobs and I didn't get interviews. I interviewed for jobs I didn't get.
In one month, I actually paid to practice law.
I had a baby.
I turned 29 again. My driver's license says 32. It's a fucking liar.
The Cult hurt my family once again. We had a roommate for 5 months. He learned to change diapers.
We refinanced our mortgage.
I had a baby baptised. I had another baby turn 4.
Husband is applying to graduate school for his doctorate. I'm waiting on a grant to see if I can work full time. So I can go back to school for my doctorate. We can't get enough of school.
Cora left her old school; her last day was today.
In 2011, I regained my confidence but lost my faith. I re-learned that I simply can't please some people no matter how hard I try. I learned that you make your own idea of success, and sometimes just rolling back the expectations helps. Keeping it simple helps. I had some wins and some losses. I think that's how it's always going to be. There were some people I really helped; there were others who just couldn't be saved. I try not to carry that with me, but it's impossible not to feel the weight of it anyway. I try to not let this profession engulf me, but it does. I struggle to not let it completely define me. But with two sleeping babies, a sleeping dog, and a husband off at work, it's what keeps me up at night.