This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Fun with preschoolers

Last night, we had dinner at our friends' house.

Towards the end of the evening, Cora had an epic meltdown because she had been playing with this little Abby Cadabby doll and her friend J took it from her. I told her she needed to go calm down or we were going home and she wouldn't get to play anymore. That didn't really make any difference and since it was getting late anyway, we made the call to go home. Since we were leaving and J's mom actually thought the toy was Cora's, she made J give it back, which immediately stopped Cora's tantrum. Of course, we took the toy back away from her and made her say her good-byes. She was not happy.

She snuffled all the way home, and while Husband poured her bath, I made her sit down with me in her room and talk about what happened. This seems to be working quite well: reasoning through the behavior and solving the problems without melting down. (Except when she's really tired, of course.)

I told her that I know she was upset that she was playing with the doll and J took it from her without asking her to share it, but that screaming and crying about it wasn't the right thing to do and she had acted very badly. She didn't ask J nicely to give it back to her; she didn't ask an adult for help to get J to share. I asked her what she should have done instead of scream and cry, and she dutifully told me: She should have said "please" to J to share.

Very pleased with my excellent parenting, I ended the conversation with: "See? And crying about it didn't help solve the problem, did it?"

Her response: "Yes, it did. [J's mom] screamed at [J] and made her give it back."

Cora: 1; Mommy: 0.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

To breed or not to breed

I was just talking to a friend this past weekend about the whole having kids thing. She doesn't like kids, she doesn't want kids, so she isn't having kids. Funny thing though? I don't like kids either.

Seriously, I really really don't. Being in places with a high concentration of Other People's Children makes me twitch uncontrollably (Monkey Joe's is my own personal hell). There are many days sitting in the peds clinic, listening to children scream, I wonder why the nurses aren't drugging the little ankle-biters. Even babies don't impress me, and they're usually the cutest and least offensive of the mini-humans. I've never gone googly-eyed over someone else's baby (although I will politely ooh and ahh over the cuteness of others' offspring). Unlike many women, the mere mention of babies doesn't make my ovaries twinge (usually it has the opposite effect). And honestly, if I'd married someone who was like, yeah, I just don't want kids, I would have shrugged and gone on with life blissfully unaware of the miseries of growing a human (as one is currently trying to claw its way out of my uterus and exit through my throat). But I wasn't adverse to the idea of having kids either, in the proper circumstances. So, when I married Mr. Ticking Biological Clock, I gave my vow to "accept children willingly from God." Meaning, eventually I'd stop taking The Pill and try to get knocked up.

And I did. And I had one. And she's awesome. And we're having another one, who I'm sure will be awesome too. I genuinely do like my friends' kids, and I (usually) like my nieces and nephew. But I still just don't like "kids." I could never *really* work with kids. I mean, I guess technically I do now. I sit in a pediatrics clinic 20 hours a week. In my own practice, I'm GAL for kids and have to, like, talk to them and stuff. But I couldn't spend 8+ hours of direct contact with them in a classroom setting. I couldn't be a pediatrician or pediatrics nurse and deal with them directly all day. And from the experience of having done it just part-time, I know I could not be a stay-at-home parent; I just don't have the patience or the creativity or the energy it takes to do it and kudos to those of you who are, and for those of you who are educators (in fact, I have a brother-in-law who's been both). I'm simply too much of a curmudgeon. I think it's important to know your limitations in life, know at what you excel and what you don't, and make no apology for it. I still spend plenty of time with my kid (underemployment is good for something, I guess), and it's quality time that we both enjoy.

Anyway, parenting isn't for everybody. Other than the obvious of the scores of people I see everyday that never should have been allowed to breed... It's okay to say, look, I like my life the way it is and having children will get in the way of that. And it will. Even the parents who don't do a complete 180 and lose their own identities to become "MOM" or "DAD," still experience lifestyle changes to become a parent. You lose sleep, you lose free time. You definitely experience a loss of money. You start watching Dora the Explorer in the evenings instead of The Daily Show. You go through the drive-thru at McDonald's and get your usual Happy Meal, but you ask for the girls' toy that's some Barbie bullshit because the kid will like it more, when you'd really much prefer the boys' toy. (Although on the rare occasions that I pick up a Happy Meal for Cora too, I'll ask for one girls' toy and one boys' toy. Yay for mini light sabers!) So, yeah, lifestyle changes, big and small.

I think it's absolutely possible to be a parent when you don't like kids, or not be a parent at all even though you love kids, and be perfectly happy with either choice. I love being a parent, I'm glad I did it, and while there are many many things I would be willing to undo if I had a time machine, having kids isn't one of them. It was a good decision for us, and hopefully being a parent is something that ultimately I will have been very good at. I won't know until they're all grown up whether I did it right or failed at it in an epic way. So far, I think I'm doing pretty good. The kid is healthy, happy and well-mannered (usually). I look to other parents as examples of what to do... and what not to do (particularly my own). I want to set a good example for my daughters and hope they grow up to be happy, socially-conscious, contributing members of society. I don't want to live vicariously through them, but I want them to have opportunities that I did not. I want to share with them the things I enjoy, and maybe pick up some new things along the way (well, other than Dora the Explorer). But ultimately, I'm still my own person, just like the people who choose not to have children. Someday my children will be grown up, out of my house, and I'll be the same as those people who never nested. (The difference being I'll have people out there who are obligated by familial duty to come visit me in the old folks' home if they want to stay in the will. Heh.)

Although I might be changing my tune when some demanding creature starts waking me up at all hours of the night screaming again. At least on the rare occasion when Cora wakes up in the middle of the night, (two nights ago it was "a bug in my bed!"), she'll just curl up with me and go back to sleep, which is nice. Well, after chattering about the bug for about 10 minutes first, of course. Fun with kids.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


These days I mostly just feel large, hot and miserable. July has been a bad month for me financially, as in, none of my clients felt it necessary to pay their damn bills. However, I just landed a couple new paying clients (with modest retainers), so that should at least keep me afloat until the others decide to pay me. Hopefully they will pay sometime during the month of August.

I believe once I have a little extra cash (if ever), I will be (much to Husband's chagrin) installing the security camera on the side of the house. Neighborhood Creeper is back, and just broke into our next-door neighbor's car. I have fantasies involving me catching Creeper rummaging through my car, beating him senseless with a baseball bat and calling it "self-defense." (Seriously, who're the cops gonna believe? The creepy car burglar with a mile long rap sheet, or the huge pregnant lawyer? He was totally threatening me with his back to me, I'm sure of it.) Oh well. He's simply topping the list of people I want to intentionally tort with a bat these days. And that list keeps getting longer, particularly the hotter it gets.

Some fun things though... friends had a baby shower for me and another friend (who's due next month). Just nice and low-key, none of that eating baby food or melted chocolate out of a diaper bullshit. We got lots of diapers and wipes, which is pretty much all we need. Not looking forward to diapers again. Or boob-feeding. Or having a creature screaming in the middle of the night about either of those things. But I'm very much looking forward to not being pregnant anymore. I haven't decided 100% about whether this is the last one or not, but I can tell you this bullshit will not happen in summer ever again.

Still feeling rather blah about my career at the moment. Some days I feel pretty good about it. Other days I just think, what the hell am I doing? Book my padded cell already! I dunno. I guess I can't complain too much. After an annoying morning in court, I came back home and took a 4-hour long nap. The pay might suck, but being self-employed is quite bitchin' some days.

MILP #213

Is at Butterflyfish. Next time at PT-Lawmom!

Thursday, July 21, 2011


Since it's 10,000 degrees outside, we decided to have "family movie night" indoors, to stay cool and well-hydrated. We got "Despicable Me" in from Netflix (the disc... no more streaming for us), figuring we could watch something Not Dora for once.

All was good until we got to the scene where Gru's weird, toothy dog shows up. Cora flips the hell out, literally screaming like she was being chased by the serial killer in some horror flick. Strangest damn thing, and I've never seen her react that way to anything, ever, especially not something on TV. Considering she watches sci-fi on a regular basis, and has no problem with aliens, sea monsters, etc., and she certainly has no fear of dogs (even yappy, bitey, toothy ones) it was a really weird thing to be terrified of. Fortunately, once the orphan girls tamed the toothy dog, she calmed down, and later said she really liked the movie, and the dog was "funny."

Although I don't think she would have been willing to hug it.

Anyway, Toothy Terror Dog must be making the rounds, because I've heard several blood-curdling screams from small children today at the clinic. The nurses must be in rare form torturing the kiddies.

I'll be leaving early today, and am not looking forward to leaving the clinic to walk to my car. It was insanely hot at 8am. Can't wait to see what fireball awaits me this afternoon.

Optomistically, I only renewed my parking tag up through the end of the month, in hopes I won't be needing a tag in the month of September. I will be super bitter if I do. The day I hit full term, I'm getting a plunger and inducing myself. Gah!

Monday, July 18, 2011

MILP Roundup #212

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup** is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom, Attorney Work Product and Butterflyfish blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday. Next week Butterflyfish will have it.

First, Cristy had a shitty day that ended with being assaulted by The Situation.

LEO has a baby name (and can't breathe).

SuzieJD and Butterflyfish are having summer fun.

Someone out there is expecting a Hallmark from EH.

Izzie is back.

But I Do Have a Law Degree deals with the growing up.

LL celebrates with the Batman.

CM is flying solo.

LC has chaos.

Momttorney updates on lady parts.

WNWL works her last day.

RG goes to the zoo.

-R- reveals the source.

PT-Lawmom learns in PJ's.

Googiebaba avoids the 'burbs.

Cowgirl in the City is at a crossroads.

Dinei among the skinny people.

Newlawmom is ready for the bar.

If you would like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.

**Hat tip to the “original” Roundup Evan Schaeffer’s Legal Underground and Thanks, But No Thanks

Thursday, July 14, 2011

MILP Roundup #211

Was at PT-Lawmom. Here next time.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

All the things I have to deal with sober...

1. Meow. One benefit to my 3 year old spending the day crawling around on the ground meowing because she's "a kitty," other than it's kind of adorable, is that she actually isn't talking non-stop. Amazing how the sound of meowing is less exhausting than a preschooler that never ever stops talking ever. Which has been my entire day today. Blah blah blah blah blah. I often tell her, "You know you talk too much, right?" Her response: a cheerful "Yep!"

2. Disappointment. Found out on Friday that a client I had very high hopes for, has spiraled down the drain. We're back in court this week, and it will not be good. Totally sucks, and I'm more than a little depressed about it. I spend a lot of time representing people who couldn't give a crap less about their kids, so when I get one who really cares, who really tries, and then fails... it really sucks.

3. Irritation. Husband's been grumpy the past few days. Probably has at least in part to do with our house guest, and his sleeping displacement. He grouched at me for making too much noise while he was sleeping. WTF ever. Today while he was sleeping, even Cora was quiet. Whenever I'm sleeping though, he's got the TV blasting and is stomping around and making all kinds of noise. He also has an annoying habit of listening to his iPod when he gets home from work, and singing (loudly) along with it. Maybe I should start sleeping downstairs too. Bah.

I, in turn, am irritated with my mother. Today she kept trying to dump more crap into my house. I was like, seriously? I just took in your roommate, I don't have the space for anything else right now! She cleaned out some file cabinet and found a bunch of "my stuff." Which is like sketches from my 8th grade art class and shit. Stuff that moms want to keep but that other people want to pitch. She had two boxes full of stuff she expected to bring over here. I'm like, no! I do not have room for any more crap at the moment! We're trying to get rid of crap, not bring more in. This in addition to the gobs of clothes hangers she recently brought over that we have absolutely no use for, that I told her no and she brought over anyway. We already had more clothes hangers than clothes, and she goes and brings over about 100 more, after I told her no. And of course, again after telling her NO, she still manages to bring over a stack of my old music books and gives them to Cora. Those are music books, she can't read music. Oh, but they have pictures in them. (A couple of them are Disney music books.) So the hell what? She has dozens of books with pictures in them with, you know, words. Doesn't mean I want her to tear up expensive music books that she'll probably want to use in a few years and probably shouldn't ruin now by shoving them into the couch and bending up the pages (which is exactly what she did tonight). And of course, Cora kept saying "Look what Grandma bought me!" Ugh. That on top of the fact that she came over after her fucking cult meeting, just did me in for the day. Like, I can't deal with you.

4. Gross. Had a client (old fat guy) randomly drop by my office on Friday afternoon, and in complaining about all of his medical problems, lifted up his shirt and showed me his chest scar from a past surgery. Um, ew. (And I'm not talking about the scar.) That pretty much summed up my entire week.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

MILP #210

Was at Butterflyfish. Next time at PT-Lawmom. Enjoy!

Fourth of July Fun

Best Fireworks-related Facebook Status: "I can hear the sounds of entire welfare checks blowing up outside my window."

Action-packed weekend.

Cora's godfather is living with us now, so we're making some small adjustments in how we do things. Husband normally sleeps downstairs in the spare guestroom during the day (he's darkened the room into a sort of bunker) when he has to work that night, and only sleeps in our bed when he isn't working. I'd recently reorganized my files to work at my desk in our bedroom (and by "at my desk," I mean, "in bed with my feet propped up, pulling files off the desk.") But now, our new house pet is sleeping downstairs (we have another spare bed upstairs but in the room that is an absolute disaster because it's going to be the baby's room and there isn't much room in there currently. I had to clear off the bed for Father in Law to spend the night on Saturday). Husband is now sleeping in our bed (which is fairly dark), which means I've been transplanted too (now on the couch). The dog is irritated by this because she usually spends the day lounging lazily on the couch, and every time I get up to get a drink or use the bathroom, she steals my spot. Oh well. It is kinda nice to have a live-in nanny though. Since I'm on my own 3 nights a week, it's not like I can go to the store at 10pm when I realize we're out of dishwasher detergent or whatever. And Cora's thrilled to have him around so much.

As I mentioned, Father-in-Law came in on Saturday and spent the night. Sadly, Mother-in-Law couldn't make it. (Not sadly, that meant her Shih Tzus didn't make it either.) As usual, massive amounts of alcohol were consumed, and Husband endured the perils of drinking way too much vino. Yuck. Although considering all the times I more recently spent praying to the porcelain goddess thanks to "morning" sickness, I didn't have much sympathy. At least he gets to drink!

Last night, we had people over and grilled out. It was a good time. Lots of good food. Husband wanted initially to kick everyone out at 9 so we could go downtown to watch the fireworks. Since we were having a good time, we stuck around and lit sparklers for the kids. And also, since our fireworks laws just changed [to allow any redneck in the state to buy any kind of fireworks, whereas before, if you really wanted big fireworks, you had to drive down to Tennessee to buy them], we had a show in the middle of our street, along with the group of drunk people firing them off until 2 am. We were watching to see if anyone set themselves on fire and/or blew off any appendages, but eventually the cops rolled through and the fun ended.

My former roommate and her husband came out with their brood, which is the first time we've gotten the kids together. She's got three boys, ages 8, 6 and 2 1/2. Three boys is definitely a big contrast to my pretty little princess, who insisted on wearing her Easter dress, her sparkly pink princess shoes and her princess tiara. (She also cried at bedtime when we told her she could not wear her dress to bed.) Of course, they're all just carbon copies of their dad, so they're (mostly) sweet and quiet, and would rather be playing video games. We eventually set the Wii up for the older two, since most of what we have to entertain children in the house involves princesses. Anyway, in the span of an evening, it would appear that we are now in-laws and grandparents. Quite adorably, Cora bonded with the youngest and they spent most of the evening playing together. At one point, Cora pulled out one of her baby dolls, put it in her doll stroller, and informed me that K is the daddy, she's the mommy, and that's their baby. She made him carry the baby bottles and eventually ordered him to push the stroller. Only in Kentucky could I be a grandmother at 31, and also pregnant. Sigh.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Long week

Unexpected early holiday today, as everything has pretty much wrapped up. Last night was so busy, I didn't even get around to eating dinner. I was regretting that this morning when I had to go do the glucola test. Ugh, orange-flavored ass.

I finished up and submitted the article I co-wrote to this medical journal, hoping it'll be published. It'll be nice to put something on my CV besides "Attended law school, where I mostly spent time on Facebook and trying not to drool on myself when I was asleep in class." Particularly if I want to scoot off down a path of academia someday. Not like teaching law school, of course. I would seriously hate that. (Even though I'll probably be an adjunct law prof in the spring for the clinic course we're supposed to be offering.) But as for standing up in a classroom and socratizing some poor 1Ls on contracts or torts or something? No way. But I would love to teach poly sci or history.

So, today's plan is to start working on the baby's room, starting with pulling all of the clothes off of the bed in there (which I dumped in there after I pulled them out of my closet because they don't fit), because Father-in-Law is coming to stay with us tomorrow, and our guest room downstairs is currently occupied by our temporary tenant.

Other than that, I plan to continue reading my Sookie Stackhouse book and being lazy. And yay for a new season of True Blood! I tell you what, as a general rule, I'm pretty intolerant of the arrogant, pushy male as a love interest, but Eric... oh my goodness, he can randomly show up in my bedroom any time he likes.