Disclaimer

This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

They're Still Not That Into Me

I applied for the insurance defense job a couple weeks ago, the same firm that rejected me 1L year for a clerkship because I'd already worked for two previous insurance defense firms and they "didn't have anything more to offer me." (Oh, and I also remember the guy commenting that because I didn't list my gpa or class rank on my resume that it must be horrible. WTF? Like, it wasn't that bad, but shit, it wasn't anything to write home about. Mediocrity, I has it.) Anyway, I submitted my resume, cover letter and writing sample and... I've heard nothing. Lame. I tried to not get my hopes up, but the idea of a regular paycheck and practicing in a comfortable and familiar area of law (and escaping the insanity of family law) was pretty enticing, even if it is the soul-suck of insurance defense. Oh well. Maybe they'll send me one of those lovely rejection letters where they talk about how impressed they were by my resume, and how (some other firm) will be lucky to have me. I just wish someone would have the balls to write an honest rejection letter. Like...

Dear Proto Attorney:

Thank you for your resume. However, we were definitely not impressed enough to hire you over the managing partner's nephew.

It was really cute that you thought you had a chance of working for our firm. Since you did not put down your GPA, probably because you were lied to and told no one cares what your GPA was after your first job, we assume you graduated with a 0.000023 GPA and spent all of law school wearing a dunce cap and drooling on yourself. You weren't on Journal, even the crappy Journal; you weren't on moot court, and you weren't on the trial team. It's like you just showed up to law school and didn't even bother to try to hide books from your classmates or be an obnoxious gunner. We bet you didn't even tab your text book and color code your highlighting. Instead, you probably spent most of your time on Facebook and updating your self-aggrandizing blog, devoted to discussing your other hobby, which apparently is breeding. Oh, and we don't like people who breed. It interferes with billable hours.


Feel free to reapply when you manage to add "Harvard," "Top 10" and at least one Big Law firm in your employment history on your resume. Or you marry someone with the same last name as one of our partners.

In the meantime, we wish you the best of luck in your continued "practice of law," as you and the rest of your underemployed classmates fight for the scraps from us real lawyers. We're certain you will find working for peanuts from the few clients who occasionally pay you to be extremely rewarding.

Sincerely,

Not Your Future Boss


Now that I could respect. Just be honest and cut the bullshit. Sigh.

Oh well. This weekend is Mother's Day... I got tickets for me, my mom and Cora to go tomorrow afternoon to see a local ballet company perform "Rapunzel." That's pretty much it. Husband's working five shifts in a row. He asked if I wanted any gifts, but I can't think of anything I want, other than the turn signal thingy to not be hanging off the side of the Money Pit. (Yeah, newest development is shit just falls off of my car. Awesome.) Oh, it definitely would have been nice to have a real paycheck -- I could have put the Money Pit out of my misery and gotten a car that isn't a piece of shit. Suck.

3 comments:

E.H. said...

I bought myself a straw cowboy hat with a ribbon for mother's day. The clerk said, "But that's cheating!" I said, "No, that's how I know I get what I want."

Have a great time at the ballet!

WNWLitigator said...

Sorry about the job...I hope something better than insurance defense is in your future (from one crazy soul in insurance defense).

Happy Mother's Day!

Destination Unknown said...

Happy Mother's Day!!

Oh...and awesome letter. HA