This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Monday, January 31, 2011


My friend (we'll call her L), for whom I do part-time work, just hired a new temporary secretary for her office. When L told me who her candidates were, I told her I knew both of them. The first one I used to work with at a previous office. The second one I knew only by name -- I used to "date" her husband (we'll leave it at that). As far as I know, she doesn't know what my past relationship was with her husband. But still. Awkward! And of course, guess which one L picked? (I swear she picked her at least in part to amuse herself.)

Actually, she's great. She's bright and cheerful, and eager to do work and learn new stuff, which is exactly what L needed. (The regular secretary is incredibly old and currently out on medical leave, and L's hoping she'll just retire. She actually has pictures she snapped with her phone of the old lady sleeping at her desk. And that's apparently when she's being her most productive. But she's been there forever and L's dad won't get rid of her, much to her chagrin.)

Anyway, I had an awkward conversation with the new secretary today since L had mentioned that I know her husband and his siblings, as we went to school together. It was so awkward that I had been holding up a stack of papers I was reading in front of the monitor (I suspect I need bifocals, I was doing the old lady squinting thing), when the secretary walked in to give me something and was like, oh hey, I heard you grew up in Smallville, you know my husband... I realized half-way through the conversation (as I was stammering through, like, oh yeah, I was totally friends with his brother, I barely knew him, how's his family, haven't seen them in forever...) that I was weirdly still holding up the papers. Like, oh man, I'm such a dweeb. However, she asked if my maiden name was something different, belonging to another girl who I know also "dated" her husband (we have the same first name). So even if she thought I was that girl, I'd say she definitely thought I'd been cavorting with her husband. And possibly even during their marriage, which would definitely be super awkward, because I know they were separated for awhile, and that other girl was around him at that time, so who knows. (That ain't me. The last time I saw him was before they were together, back in 1999. I don't do married guys. Other than the one I married, and he's lucky if he's gettin' any these days. Heh.) Anyway, it's all kinds of awkward. I'm like, oh lord. I'm about a decade separated from this kind of silly drama, how does it still follow me around?

I don't know why it's so awkward though. Hell, my college roommate ended up marrying a guy I previously "dated," they've got three kids, and we're all friends. I'm good friends with two of Husband's exes. One was holding my hand when I was in labor (while Husband was off having bloody marys in a basement bar with his father and my mother), and the other was one of my attendants in our wedding. Husband is friends with both their husbands, one of which was one of his attendants. I guess it's just the uncertainty of whether this chick would care. I get the impression that a lot of women are incredibly jealous when it comes to other women having dated/slept with/getting anywhere near their men. That's not me, and I totally hate jealous guys (and girls). So, I'm always afraid other women are going to be all jealous and crazy about their men and I tend to proceed with caution. Like, it took a little while to be friends with Husband's most recent ex (they had just broken up a few months before we started dating). I think we were both feeling each other out. Like, do you hate me? No? Okay, I don't hate you, so that's cool. Hey, I like you, you're fun, let's be friends!

It's just funny. And awkward, very very awkward. Of course, L told the rest of the office too, so they're just all watching me squirm. Sigh. I'm such a dweeb. And if I've slept with any of your husbands, a decade ago, I do apologize. It was just a momentary thing, a fling, it meant nothing, I barely remember it, I was probably drunk, I bet I thought he was someone else, actually, maybe he was someone else. Yeah, we'll go with that...


E.H. said...

Oh, man. That is so awkward! There are some advantages to having gotten hitched at the very young age of 19, I guess! :)

Mama said...

Ha! My husband's oldest friends are all very cautious about talking about his old flings from years ago, which I find very gentlemanly but also quite silly. Who got the ring? Why, you're right, that was ME! :)

However, if I were this girl, and I knew your situation, I'd probably totally screw with you for a while, just for the fun of it. ;)