This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Motion for Lubrication

I swear, my next motion is going to have that title. "Undersigned counsel respectfully requests the Court to provide lubrication for the next time [her client] is violated by the judicial proceedings." Balls.

It's been a helluva day, and it's only 3:30. I've worked very very hard today, and now I'm tired and taking a little break to blog and look at pretty shoes online.

Tonight, I'm going to go home and not eat everything in my fridge, exercise a lot instead, and try to start losing weight again. The past two days have been like falling off the wagon; I'm feeling a bit out of control of my appetite. Not good. Husband and Cora went back to The City this morning, so hopefully I can go back to controlling myself. Nice to have some time to myself too, though, as much as I like having them around. But it's really the steady routine that's helped me in the weight loss, and the departure from the routine, and the celebratory meals (and excessive alcohol) completely derailed my efforts.

Back on the wagon.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


I GAINED 2 pounds this week. Fail!

This would be because on Saturday I consumed (along with Husband and FIL) FIVE BOTTLES OF WINE, buttery salmon, and a loaf of bread. Then last night, we went to celebrate Husband's completion of his degree requirements (he did his comps yesterday) and got massive amounts of sushi, Dairy Queen (I got the lowest points item on the menu), then later had a bottle of wine and some bread and hummus. So, yeah, no surprise I gained two pounds. It's really not fair that I eat rabbit food all week, and exercise, and only lose half a pound, but all it takes is a two-day slip-up to gain 2 pounds. Ugh.

It also reinforced my belief that Husband makes me fat. He always wants to eat, and he's always all "here, have some," and "hey, let's open a bottle of wine," and "hey, let's go to Dairy Queen." When I'm by myself, I eat salad and drink water. I spend a lot less money too.

So, either he changes his eating habits, or we need to continue living in separate cities. Otherwise, I'm going to be ginormous.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

MILP Roundup #147

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup** is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-Lawmom, Attorney Work Product and A Little Fish in Law School blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning.

Googiebaba is outnumbered.

Jenny is waiting on the judge's decision.

-R- is pointing out the problem of nonprofit fundraising.

Shantelle has been having a crisis of faith concerning joining our ranks and needs your words of encouragement!

RG takes on revisionist history teabaggers.

Is Grace incubating the next domestic terrorist? Or worse, leading poetry slams?

Happy birthday, Dakota!

LEO is dealing with teeth.

LC is in the aftermath of grief.

Izzie, our newest MILP, is making her big announcement.

Cee learns if you get someone sanctioned by the court, you should make it up to them with strippers and blow.

LL gets a shower!

Dinei's little guy has a name: Benjy.

If you would like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.

**Hat tip to the “original" roundup Evan Schaeffer’s Legal Underground and Thanks, But No Thanks

Saturday, April 24, 2010


Literally. Normally it's just figurative shit, but this week, we ended up with the real stuff too.

We had a really disgusting sewage issue at the office on Friday, as some a-hole flushed a bunch of paper towels down our toilet during my depositions on Thursday. This resulted in Plumbing Fail, with raw sewage flooding our basement, several hours of work by Roto-Rooter, and quite possibly the worst smell I've ever encountered. Even the Roto-Rooter guys were gagging, it was awful. After they got the issues resolved and cleaned up our basement for us, I made an executive decision to close the office 2 hours early (the boss had taken the day off). I could smell it on my clothes after I left. Ugh.

But we think the paper towel thing was done on purpose because of the amount they pulled out. Who the hell even flushes paper towels? There was a brand new roll of toilet paper in there, and we have a whole basket of toilet paper too. We also have a garbage can right under the paper towel roll. So yeah, pretty sure it was on purpose.

Anyway, if we have any more depositions in that case, we're doing them at opposing counsel's office. Freaks.

Friday, April 23, 2010

New Column

I forgot to mention... I have a new column up over at Ms. JD.

Happy Weekend!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Deposition That Does Not End

I spent all day in depositions today, what a long day. I didn't even get lunch, because we only took a break at 2 o'clock and there was no time to run out and get something and scarf it down before coming back and having a conference call with the judge, because opposing counsel kept trying to get my client to violate HIPAA. (He failed.) We finished up at about 4. I seriously need a refresher on, you know, like, crafting coherent sentences when communicating with other human beings. Geez, you'd think I'd been taking public speaking lessons from Sarah Palin. Can't wait to read the transcript, that oughta be a hoot. Blah.

Oh well. The good thing about the case is it's a matter I've been working on for awhile, in an area of law in which I am well-versed (dignitary torts). So, it was oodles of fun. I love dignitary torts; it's all the drama of family law, without all the despair of destroying the innocence of children.

Now we're back in trial prep mode, as we're two weeks away from our biggest trial yet. Yeah, I know, I hope I don't curse this one too. My job is to play devil's advocate: to take our case and do a mock-up as though I were defending it. So I'm preparing for cross-exam of our witnesses, and going through possible trial themes the defense will use. It's fun because it's useful, and also, it plays to my experience, which is defense work.

But I am really looking forward to the weekend. Husband isn't working! Well, he has to attend a review course for his boards, but he'll be home Saturday and Sunday night! That'll be nice. I like the husband, he's fun.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Quick post

Super busy this morning, but I wanted to post the new weight loss: -1.0 pounds. Total weight loss: -10 pounds. It's amazing how much better I feel not carrying around that extra 10 pounds, and another 5 pounds means I will have to buy new clothes. I haven't been this weight in four years, and my clothes from that time are worn and out of style, and also most of it is too casual for the office (my last job before law school was business casual). So, yay, shopping! If only I wasn't too broke to shop, but oh well. That's what my Saks card is for. Eek!

I still have a lot of work to do on the fitness test. I have to do a minimum of 14 pushups. And they didn't say anything about "girl" pushups, so I'm assuming it's the real ones. I'm at about 4. In my defense, I am pretty top heavy, so I'm fighting a lot of gravity. Situps I'm good on, although I'd like to be able to do a lot more so I can boost my score. I'm hoping for that and the 300-meter sprint to carry me through. I'll be doing good to run 1.5 miles in less than 14 minutes. I have poor endurance, and while I can run pretty fast for a short distance, I sputter out quickly.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Maintaining optimism

I'm trying to stay optimistic today, even though today has royally sucked. We got the decision in on my client whose hearing was last week, and we lost, big time. Now I'm blaming myself, because she should have taken the deal in mediation, even though it was total crap, because it was still more than she got, which was nothing. Husband was turned down for his dream job because he doesn't have enough experience. So, we're both kinda down in the dumps. The sucky thing about being in two different cities is, we can't just go drown our sorrows together after work in some beer at the pub. Husband pointed out we both need a hug. But there's no one to hug me. I'm not going to ask the boss for a hug, that would be weird.

So, I'm trying to maintain some optimism. I've got work to get done, and can't waste time pouting about it. I only lost .2 pounds last week, thanks to excessive alcohol consumption, more excessive Reese's peanut butter egg consumption and holding enough water to survive in the Sahara for a week. The eggs are now gone, and I'll be keeping the drinking to a minimum and going back to pilates on Saturday.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

But I like my stripper shoes...

Above the Law had this article reporting on a recent panel discussing professional attire. Definitely, for interviews and jury trials, conservative and well-groomed is the way to go. But when it comes to the rest of the time, I don't think conservative, boring and stuffy is necessary.

Considering that I've seen attorneys come to motion hour in jeans, in sweater vests, in stretch pants, in sundresses, in flipflops, in sneakers, in some of the ugliest ties ever made, in some of the ugliest colored suits ever imagined, and one chick who's a public defender has purple highlights in her dark blond hair... I think I'll keep wearing my 5 inch stilettos and dark nail polish. And I'm not wearing panty hose in the summer, because no one else does. Not even this chick who's a partner at a Big City firm we have a case with. Maybe she does there, but she doesn't here. Heck, one of the judges wears jeans and sneakers under his robe, and he has long hair. So, yeah, not really stuffy and conservative around here.

The City was a little different, but not much. I've seen some of the women wear dark colored tennis shoes to court, and as far as crazy outfits go, there are far more there. But then, I guess anything you wear looks good when your client's showing up to court wearing tight sweat pants that say "Bootylicious" across the ass (again, if your ass can fit the word "Bootylicious" across it... it's not).

So, yes, I will wear these to court, because they're awesome.

Trip to the dentist

Cora spent the night with Grandma last night, since she had her very first dentist appointment this morning. We decided my mom should take her, since she goes to the same dentist (also my dentist) back in Hometown (where Mom lives... it's like 20 minutes south of The City), so we made their appointments together.

Apparently, Cora doesn't like having her mouth poked around in. It was epic drama. Of course, the dentist has kids and grandkids, and has had enough kids for patients over the years, I'm sure he's seen worse. But, she screamed until her face was bright red and Mom thought her little head was going to explode. I really can't say I blame her, I'm not a big fan of the dentist either. I don't mind getting my teeth cleaned, but considering the trauma of my youth (major oral surgery at age 12 to dig out my wisdom teeth which were digging into the roots of my back molars, not to mention the two years of braces which included all sorts of awful springs and rubber bands and absurdities), I don't really look forward to it.

Regardless, she has a clean bill of dental health and the dentist was nice enough not to charge us for her visit. I don't have dental coverage, because for less than what I'd pay in premiums, I could just pay for the work myself.

But, Cora didn't sleep well last night; she woke up, crying for Mommy and Daddy. When we dropped her off at Mom's last night, Cora had exhuberantly shooed us out the door. "Buh-BYE! Mwaah!" I had mentioned to Husband that, while I'm glad she is confident enough that she'll see us again to not have separation anxiety, I kinda wish she'd look a little less happy that we're leaving! Oh well. She hasn't spent the night anywhere else in awhile, so maybe it was the strange bed that upset her.

In other news, I had a baby daddy support hearing this morning that went rather well. I wish I could discuss my new case, it is all kinds of awesome drama. Like, the entertaining soap opera kind, not the kind that affects the well-being of children and is horrific and depressing. Sometimes family law really can be enjoyable. The rest of the time, it just kinda makes me disgusted with humanity.

Oh, and Husband has a lead on his "dream job." Dream Job has the added advantage of paying at least $40K more than he's making now, and has the potential to even double his current salary. I told him if he lands that gig, he's soooo buying me something pretty. Like these. Or these. OMG, or these (I think the spikes will be hawt for court). Yes, I just shoegasmed.

Monday, April 12, 2010

MILP Roundup #145

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup** is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-Lawmom, Attorney Work Product and A Little Fish in Law School blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. You'll find it at PT-Lawmom next week.

The Reluctant Grownup shares an adventure from her past.

CM talks about feelings.

Jenny is anxiously waiting for a decision.

LC is wobbly.

Cee is punking her office mates.

Dakota is making progress.

Googiebaba has the drama!

LL is showing off the preggo profile.

-R- takes on the mimosas.

If you would like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.

**Hat tip to the “original" roundup Evan Schaeffer’s Legal Underground and Thanks, But No Thanks

Sunday, April 11, 2010


Don't be too impressed; she subscribes far too much to realism.

Friday, April 9, 2010


Whew, it's been a long, exhausting week. I am ready to go home and see the family!

Since Cora was sick, I didn't take her with me to Small Town this week. I've also been feeling a bit under the weather too, and just plain exhausted, so I didn't even make the trip back to The City during the week. I miss my munchkin terribly, I haven't seen her in four whole days! We had a whole conversation last night, where she rambled on in jibberish mostly, but there was quite a bit that I could understand. It's really cool when they can start actually telling you actual stuff, other than their immediate needs like "feed me," "hold me," "refill my sippy," and "change my diaper," or pointing at various objects and creatures and saying its name for the gazillionth time "PUPPY!" (yes, thank you, I heard you the first 26 times). That's when they really become "people" and not babies: they want to have a conversation with you.

Husband sent me this pic this morning of Cora tormenting the dog with her love:

My life is rough

Apparently, when Cora noticed Husband was taking pictures, she kept telling the dog to "Say 'Cheese,' Bernie! Say 'Cheese!'"

So, a fun weekend ahead. If the weather's nice tomorrow, I think Cora and I will have some mother-daughter bonding time at the race track and bet on some ponies. I wanted to go last weekend, which was opening weekend for the spring meet, but she was sick and the weather was kinda blah. Cora will really like the track, she hasn't been yet. There are horsies, and there are numbers, two of her favorite things. I think she'll like watching the horsies run a whole lot. Not to mention wearing a pretty dress and a hat, she really likes that.

Husband is adament that Cora is not allowed to do anything with horses (he's seen a lot of trauma patients messed up from horse-related accidents), but I don't think there's any harm in letting her ride someday if she wants. I never took formal riding lessons, but I've ridden horses before. I think if you live in our state and you've never been on a horse, there's something wrong with you. But I have no desire to own a horse, particularly in taking care of one or paying for its upkeep, so she's not likely going to have one of her own anyway.

Speaking of horses, if anyone out there is wanting to attend the World Equestrian Games this September/October (it's like the Olympics for horse folk), and is looking for a place to stay, we're totally getting the hell out of dodge for that nonesense, so our home is available. We're also considering like a home-swap kinda thing if you live somewhere we'd actually like to go. (Like Europe!) I assume since the new giant phallis hotel downtown did not get built (after they tore down an entire block for it), it will probably be tough to get reasonable accommodations.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

This week in weight loss

I dunno how I did it, but I actually had a loss for the week, even with scarfing down an entire package of Reese's peanut butter eggs. (OMG delicious)

Week's loss: -0.8. To date: -8.8 pounds.

My pants are getting pretty loose. Another 5 pounds and they'll have to be retired. Which means I need to find the pants/skirts that are boxed up somewhere that are a size smaller, which I haven't worn since 1L.

Tonight, I had dinner with my upstairs neighbor. I brought salad and the Lite Texas Toast, and she grilled chicken and steamed veggies. We had a smoothie for dessert, and one light beer. Much healthier option than going out to eat and also cheaper.

I still feel motivated, because I really like seeing the scale move, and I really like feeling my clothes get bigger. That's almost as good as eating a ton of the Reese's peanut butter eggs.


I have a college interested in me as an adjunct! A college that has an IR program!

Of course, it reminds me that I've done absolutely nothing of academic value since 2006. (Law school has no academic value. None whatsoever. Journal schmournal.) I need to get back on the band wagon and get caught up on the latest literature. Even in law school, I still read the books off my grad school's summer reading list, and kept up my subscriptions to Foreign Affairs and the WSJ, but that's really not enough. For three years of law school, I was buried in law crap, and missed out on important global events. (Dude, apparently we have a black president!)

Seriously, though, I need to spend this summer getting back on track if I want to teach poly sci. (History doesn't change that drastically.) I should also be working on beefing up my CV, writing articles, contributing in some way. I also need to start drafting up some proposed syllabi to impress my interviewers and distract from the reality that I have no real teaching experience, and my academic resume consists of "BA," "MA," and "JD," end of story.

But, I'm excited. I don't know what courses I would be asked to teach if I got hired, but so long as it has nothing to do with tax law, I'd be thrilled. I spent all last evening working on an issue of gift taxation, and my poor little brain hurts. It's ridiculous. I called the IRS, I read the tax statutes, I looked in my textbook, my Bar/Bri book, ugh. I have it figured out now, but it just reinforces that I should have absolutely nothing to do with taxation. I should not have to think this hard, ever. It's unhealthy.

Monday, April 5, 2010


If you've been with me here on this blog for the past 3 years, then you probably recall the amount of bitching I did that our law school had ZERO interest in promoting our pretty much non-existent international law program. The problem with this is that on paper, it looked like we had a stellar program, such as having tons of international course listings in the bulletin (which hadn't been offered in over 5 years, but they don't mention that). We offer a joint degree program in law and international relations (a top 20 IR program, in fact), only to have the law school not even offer any international classes, or at least not enough to fulfill the grad school requirements. There was no study abroad program. There was previously an international moot court team, but it had been scrapped. Our international law professor went to go clerk for a SCOTUS justice, and we didn't offer international law for two years because we didn't replace him. And did anyone care? Nope.

Not being one of those annoying people who just sits back and bitches about something but doesn't take any action, I took action. (And bitched too, but I think bitching is okay if you're also working towards change.) I caused a stink about the course offerings and got nowhere. We got "international environmental law," which was pretty much just "environmental law," and was quite possibly the most boring class ever. As dry as the readings were, the professor kicked the boring up a notch. After much bitching about the unfairness of it all, the graduate school ended up having to take Administrative Law as an international law credit. Yeah, WTF?

There was the epic fail of the international arbitration moot, a program we'd participated in for years as a law school, until the law school cut the program. We wanted to reinstitute it and raise the money ourselves, and the interim dean shit a brick. We weren't allowed to ask for money from, well, anybody on planet earth, because that's money that those people would obviously give directly to the law school otherwise. (Yeah, right. You're not getting another penny of my money, so suck it.) We were gonna do it anyway, and pay our own way, particularly since we'd already written the first brief, but about that time, the economic apocalypse hit, and my teammate decided she couldn't afford to go since, well, she didn't have a job anymore and she also got hit with some unexpected medical bills. It was a huge disappointment, but what are you supposed to do when you aren't even allowed to fundraise?

In addition, a few of us had tried the study abroad thing. The provost was willing to waive the cost of tuition (a big deal) for the creation of new study abroad programs at the university, and the only cost to the students would be combined with room/board/travel and the professor's salary/room/board/travel. Significantly cheaper than the cost of summer school tuition for law students. The response from the law school dean's office was "whatever, so long as it doesn't cost us any money, just don't bother us." The problem is, trying to coordinate that as a student is nearly impossible. When the dean of a law school calls you, versus Random Law Student, you're more apt to take it seriously. No one wanted to do business with us, the available schools we wanted said they already host study abroad programs, and there's this whole document full of rules and regulations the ABA requires in creating a new program. It was apparent we had to either hook up with another school's existing program, or it wasn't going to happen. And that wasn't something we as students could facilitate.

Which is exactly why Mediocre Law School finally has its own study abroad program, since we got a new dean this past year. I guess having a dean who gives a crap about international studies (which he should, considering it's one of the biggest initiatives coming from the university) makes the difference. So, I feel vindicated, even if none of these accomplishments happened on my watch, or even because of anything I did. I just feel like someone heard us finally, someone saw what we saw, which was a huge waste of brilliant potential.

Of course, I'm also a little bitter, because there is no reason why this all couldn't have been done years ago. Why the interim deans were more concerned with fundraising for the new law building that still has yet to break ground, than doing something for the current students that paid tuition and had nothing to show for it. It's aggravating, but at least it's good to know that the future will be better. Even if I never got to study abroad in England for a semester.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

MILP Roundup #144

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup** is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom, Attorney Work Product and A Little Fish in Law School blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. I'm picking up double duty, as Butterflyfish is going radio silent for the month of April, so it'll be here again next week.

Dye your eggs, hide 'em, and hunt 'em. Happy Easter, everyone!

First of all, now that February bar results are starting to come in, let's give congratulations to our newest colleague, and member of the Illinois Bar Association, Kim! Yay!!!

Cee has Easter Bunny trauma.

LC has wardrobe malfunction.

Googiebaba and Dakota have egg action.

LL had some pregnancy brain, but Landon had a successful surgery!

-R- experiences the indoctrination by the Demon Muppet from an unknown source.

LEO's Timmy is expressing his individuality by going through a non-talking phase. (Wish my kid had one of those.)

RG is enjoying Spring.

Dinei is 24 weeks and counting.

Jenny is in election mode.

PT-Lawmom is hatching something.

Finally, SLF discusses a Local Win, and the best criminal defense, ever.

If you would like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.

**Hat tip to the “original" roundup Evan Schaeffer’s Legal Underground and Thanks, But No Thanks

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Crazy, continued

This week:

1. Trial fail. Not for lack of Awesome on the part of Boss Dude. Boss Dude rawks. We should've had it, even the judge and clerk were surprised. But, what can you do. You can lead a jury to the instruction, but you can't make 'em sign it. Total jury fail, ugh. We have another one starting Tuesday, hopefully we'll have better luck.

2. Speeding tax. I got nailed on the way home Friday by a State Trooper due to inattentiveness. It's a long straight stretch of interstate, you can see the cops a mile away, I should have been paying attention, especially knowing more would be out for the holiday weekend. He says he got me going 85 (speed limit's 70). I was quite surprised by that. I was pretty sure he'd clocked me when I was going 95, so I guess I hit my brakes in time after all. Oh well. I figure I earned that one, and he dropped it down to 5 over so I don't have to go to traffic school and the fine's only $150. Speeding tax.

3. Vomiting children = suck. Cora woke up in the middle of the night yacking all over the place, she's got some sort of stomach funk. Probably means she'll be sharing it. But she was so upset, she wouldn't go back to bed, she just wanted me. Finally, I put her in our bed, and she fortunately didn't yack again. I knew she must've been really sick to be so clingy, but also to actually go to sleep. By 6am she was feeling much better because I started getting smacked and kicked. (Reminding me why the kid does not sleep in our bed.) Then she went back into her bed for the remainder of the night. She's still been a little under the weather today, but she's eating and drinking enough, so she'll be fine.

4. Diet fail. Father In Law shipped Cora a box of Easter goodies, that included two packages of those Reese's peanut butter eggs. I love them so much I want to marry them. It's wrong how good those things taste. I made Husband put them where I can't reach them. I've had three today anyway.