This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

And hilarity ensues

Dear Mediocre Law School:

I wish to thank you for your phone call yesterday evening, at 7:30 p.m., interrupting my valuable time with my child. It is the week before Christmas, and this was her final evening in Small Town for the year, since I'm working half weeks the next two weeks, out here two hours away from home. So, obviously, I was ecstatic to receive your call. I immediately started laughing when the caller identified herself as being with the law school. Rather than waiting for the usual spiel, I cut to the chase: You're calling to ask for money, aren't you?

The caller was polite and apologetic. She said any amount would help. Again, I started laughing. No, no, no... I've paid my three year's tuition, I said. No, no, no, no, no, no. However, I should have been more clear, rather than simply jovial in my refusal: It isn't that I can't afford to give any money, even though (as you well know) our loans came into repayment last month. Rather, it's that I won't give you money. Not now, nor will I ever, give another penny to the law school. If I win the lottery tomorrow, and suddenly find myself absurdly rich, the law school will still not get a penny more of my money.

I don't think I need to do a break-down of why that is. I mean, I'm sure you've heard it all before. But, just because I purchased my law diploma from you, does not mean that I owe you any sort of continuing financial support.

In the alternative, I am happy to support any of the quality student-run organizations that actually work for the current students. You remember them, right? The ones currently paying tuition and getting nothing in return?

So, in conclusion, don't call me again. Ever. You won't get money, you will simply be laughed at. I'll soon be making another donation to my graduate program, I'll be sure to send you a copy of the check.

Suck it.

Very truly yours,

Proto Attorney, Class of 2009

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