This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Action-packed insanity

A very action-packed weekend has come to an end, and I'm back in Small Town and back to lawyerin'.

I made the very long drive from Small Town to the western 'burbs of Chicago on Thursday. Annoyingly, my depositions were canceled, but it was a good thing, because I was able to leave at 12:30. I made it to my destination about 8:30. My trip included going through some rural areas that I would rather never see again. I saw many rebel flags in what was a Union state during the Civil War, reminding me that some people are just painfully stupid. I also saw a deer urine farm. That end of the trip was really slow going because there's no interstate through it, I had to drive for two and a half hours of country highway through teeny tiny towns, stopping at the one traffic light. Yuck. It may have been quicker, but next time I'll just take the interstate back through The City in order to make the rest of the trip to Chicago. Less fail that way.

By the time I got up there on Thursday, the whole family had convened for the funeral events. The wake and funeral service was Friday morning. Cora did not make it through even half of the service. Fortunately, since I had to take her out, the church had a nursery and there were speakers there too so I could listen in. It was a very nice service, but again, I just really hate funerals. When I die, I don't want a bunch of people going to church and crying about me being dead, and wasting a ton of money on flowers and cards that express regret. I just want people to get really drunk and raise their glasses and say, You know what? She had a helluva good time while she was here, and so should we. And they don't all have to come together to do it, just drink and toast where you are. Celebrate the life I got to live, not the life I won't have in the future. And that's what we did after the funeral. We went to a local pub and toasted cherished memories with excellent beers and ate good food. Poor Cora was a trooper; it was well passed her nap time, by almost four hours, by the time we got back in. Actually, we were all ready for naps!

Since all of Husband's immediate family would be there, and our nieces and nephew would enjoy it greatly, Cora had a little birthday party on Saturday, courtesy of her aunt. In attendance were her four cousins, her (actual) two aunts and their husbands, her grandparents and great-grandparents, and Husband's youngest aunt (who's not much older than us), her husband and her three kids. It was quite the house-full. I feel bad for my sister-in-law and her husband, because they always have to host the rest of the family since they have a large enough house and live in the Chicago area where most of the extended family live. But it was a lovely time, and Cora certainly enjoyed her birthday cupcake.

The other thing Cora really enjoyed was the Elmo Live doll she got from her aunt. It is quite possibly possessed by the devil and will probably murder me in my sleep. "Elmo loves you! Psst... kill your parents." It's creepy enough when the kid wakes up in the middle of the night and stands beside my bed staring at me until I wake up. It's going to be really creepy when Elmo's there too.

Murder. Mayhem. Muppets.

We drove back to The City on Sunday, and Cora was so completely tuckered out that she slept almost the entire way back. Husband and I were pretty tuckered too. We went to bed at 9:30, which is pretty much unheard of. However, it was very nice that my mother cleaned our house while we were gone. She was dog-sitting, and I guess she couldn't stand the disgusting that is our house (not my fault, I'm only there three days a week, and I clean when I'm home). She cleaned our bedroom, which meant she also picked up various, erm, adult items, that weren't safely locked in our "fun box." Awk-ward. Oh well. I figure she knows by now that I have sex. At least once, two years ago.

And speaking of spawn, this morning, I spent some quality time with the birthday girl and went into work a little late. Cora is spending the next two days with my mom, since she hasn't gotten to spend any time with her lately. And since I have a ton of work to catch up on for being out for two days, and Husband has a big exam coming up, we decided that was easiest for everyone. I'll probably be working really late every night this week anyway, as it's the rush to get hearings heard before the holidays.

Today, I had my first appearance in criminal court for a status conference. Again, I am so glad I did the prosecutorial externship, because otherwise I would have had no clue what was going on. First, I was a little taken aback that even though it wasn't criminal motion hour, it was basically criminal motion hour. At least what was criminal motion hour back in The City. Status conferences, guilty pleas, etc. The docket lasted two hours and ran simultaneously with the other division, which meant the criminal lawyers were jumping between the two courtrooms, much like The City. So, once I realized that's what it was, I knew exactly what to do with only minimal awkward stammering. Also, since I'm the newby and I also needed to talk to my client, I sat in the gallery with the defendants instead of up front with the lawyers, so I had to jump up after the last attorney was done before they started doing docket roll call for the stragglers without lawyers present. Not a big deal, but ugh, the gallery smells so bad. Not my client. My client was wearing appropriate court attire and has recently bathed. The rest of the folks in there though? I'm pretty sure I've seen a few of them here. And they have not bathed. Maybe ever. Now, this is not limited to Small Town criminal defendants, this is found in The City too, and especially in family court. But, seriously, if you're going to court for any reason, I don't care if it's just a parking violation, for the love of God, at least wear your "dress jeans." Do not wear tight spandex pants that say "Bootylicious" across the ass (if your ass can fit the entire word "Bootylicious," it's just "booty," there's nothing "licious" about it). Do not wear shirts where your boobies hang out (either front boobies or back boobies). Camo is never acceptable unless you're reporting for duty. I don't understand why you would ever leave the house in that attire, let alone come to court wearing it. I know they have slacks and a button up shirt for just a couple dollars at the local thrift store. Throw out your size XXXL tube top and pick out something more appropriate. And bathe. By all means, bathe. With soap. Deodorant's nice too.

So, that's life right now. Trying to get through the next two weeks so we can just enjoy the holidays. Oh the insanity!