This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I got sworn in on Friday. There was torrential rain, a lengthy delay in the ceremony starting because someone's grandma (literally) stroked out in the middle of the court room as we're all waiting in the hallway and had to be taken away by an ambulance, and finally, after an hour of standing in high heels on marble floors, they announced my name wrong before we all swore to uphold the US and state constitutions and not to engage in duels with deadly weapons. (Well, there went my weekend plans.) But they gave me my license and my bar card (that has the mental health hot-line number actually printed on it for when my raging alcoholism becomes too much and I get the overwhelming urge to miss clients' filing deadlines and steal money from escrow accounts just to buy mouthwash). I was decidedly underwhelmed. I got my photo with the Supreme Court Justice, then ditched the bar association reception in favor of ditching my heels for flippy-floppies and going to lunch at one of my favorite restaurants. Then I dropped my car off for $500 in maintenance to keep the tin can running for another year.

Anyway, it really doesn't feel any different to be an actual lawyer so far. I had my first client on Monday; he canceled. I went to court this morning; I didn't talk. Oh well. I did manage to call someone up and bitch today, so that was nice. It was just some annoying collections firm that kept calling with automated messages for someone we've never even heard of. They got lawyered; I was unnecessarily rough, just because I could. However, I'm getting sworn in to the local bar association on Friday, and we have a pre-trial conference that same morning. Should be exciting. I've been working on this case pretty much since I started, and it's a damn good case. It goes to trial a week from Monday. Hopefully I won't kill this trial like I kill all trials, and it settles ten minutes before, or the entire jury ends up with pig flu, or defense counsel can't make it from The Big City due to torrential rain and flooding, because that's what happens to all trials I'm involved in: they never happen. I'm either the best or the worst luck, not sure which.

In the meantime, I've contracted kiddie funk yet again. Not of the pig variety, however, so I'm still on the go. Sorta. This is the latest I've stayed up in almost a week. It's kicked my butt, and I had better be healthy by Saturday for our awesome Halloween party I've worked so hard on putting together. Since I've been watching Season 3 of Dexter, Cora and I have been making blood spatter decorations for the party. We'll be making more on Friday. Cora is a true artist, however; she knows when to stop. She has about a 10-minute attention span with the finger paints before she declares "All done!" It's messy; I really don't like mess. (I guess that crosses off "serial killer" from my list of career options, no blood spatter for me.) It was not the exciting activity I thought it would be, and I don't think I got my money's worth in her entertainment. She'd much rather go tear off sheets of toilet paper, put them in the toilet and flush them. That she could do all day.

Other than that, I've been brushing up on my trial skills, trying to be less incompetent. I have also found myself embroiled lately in debate with people incapable of rational and intelligent argument a/k/a complete and total nutters. I came across a new blog today, and this post completely sums it all up beautifully. (I am enamored with this chick's blog; we are relatively close geographically, she's liberal, and she loves cooking/Paula Dean. I love liberals and eating, so that is a definite win in my book.)

So, that's my life as a lawyer. Pretty much the same as my life as a law clerk, but billing at a higher rate. If I were actually billing right now, but I'm not, because all my work has been on contingency-based files lately. So yeah, pretty much the same!

1 comment:

Cee said...

ha ha I love it- your life is pretty much the same, just billing at a higher rate! Congrats on the swearing in!