This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


My concentration is officially shot. It's amazing I didn't wreck and die on the way to work this morning from The City. My hands are literally shaking from the nervousness, lack of sleep, lack of sustenance. I am a hot mess. I don't know why I'm letting them do this to me, torture me like this. This sucks. I am usually a pretty calm person, and only certain things get to me. This is definitely one of them.

Last night, I had several dreams. Some included failing the bar, particularly the MBE. Some included failing the essay part, and passing the MBE. One even included passing the bar. That was the last dream. I woke up after that dream, to the cold reality that bar results aren't out yet, and it was just a dream. My dream also included a visit from someone I hadn't thought about in a very long time, and haven't seen in about a decade. He was there after bar results came out and hugged me and told me he was proud of me. I hope that's a good omen.

Anyway, Cora got sent home from daycare on Tuesday, so we left early to go back to The City. She took a 3 1/2 hour nap, so I know she definitely didn't feel good. We went to the doctor Wednesday morning, and got her started on an antibiotic for a sinus and ear infection. The doctor's office was completely out of the pediatric flu shot, so now I have to bring her back another day to get that, and they're not sure if they recommend getting the swine flu shot at the same time, they're thinking they should spread the two vaccines out a bit.

So, a day off work/working at home. Of course, my concentration is shot, so my working at home wasn't as productive as I'd hoped. Cora wasn't even the distraction. Turn on Elmo and/or Abby Cadabby, and the kid doesn't make a peep other than squeals of happiness/laughter. Just my immense anxiety about having to study for that effing exam again.

I have this list of things I want to start doing, but I haven't been able to make myself do them because of the fear of having to start bar prep again doing what I didn't want to do this summer: work all day and study for the bar at night. My poor little brain can't take that much legal nonsense.

One more day, and at least I'll know and life can go on.


five tomatoes said...

Crossing my fingers and toes for you!

Meredith said...

Honey, please, take a few breaths and relax. You can't get yourself so worked up. You need to be positive - no matter what the results are. If you have to, I know you can do anything. You have lived through much worse before.


Kim said...

Okay, your freaking out is freaking ME out and I am already past freaking out. ;)

I think my epic fail has made you more nervous than you would normally be. You are going to be fine...just fine. The odds of both of us failing are way, way, way long. Take some deep breaths, and try to just wait. You are going to know soon enough and it is all going to be fine, NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!

(Also, I know very well that there is nothing that any of us can say to make this wait any easier for you. But 24 hours from now you will know. And my money is on "pass.")

Proto Attorney said...

Kim, I think you're right... The fact that someone as smart and hard-working as you failed, means I have no chance! But I do have to remember that our state has a much lower standard for its lawyers (much, much lower standard)... our pass rate is really high compared to other states, so the odds are in my favor.

But you're right, and [Butterflyfish] just posted a great status on Facebook... We rock at life no matter what the stupid bar results say!