This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Misadventures in Health Care

I woke up in the middle of the night to find I couldn't open my left eye. Nasty case of conjunctivitis, and my eye got so swollen, it looked like someone punched me. I put a compress on it, and went back to sleep, knowing I wouldn't be going to the office in the morning, and need an antibiotic, particularly eye drops. I figured the eye was connected to the upper respiratory infection I had going on. I generally don't go to the doctor unless I know I need medicine, and I was willing to wait out the sinus stuff, but I rather need to use my eye. And not look like a freak show in court on Friday.

Since I don't have a primary care physician yet here in Small Town, and was not optimistic about getting an appointment anywhere in the morning, I planned on just going over to the Urgent Treatment Center, which is only a block from my apartment. Come to find out, they don't open until 4pm. So I called my paralegal and got the names of a few doctors from her, hoping someone would fit me in sometime in the morning. Nope. Not today, and not even this week. I went through the phone book and just starting calling general practitioners. No one would take new patients today. Some said they wouldn't take new patients at all, others said they could fit me in two months from now. I figure either my eye will have healed by then, or I'd be dead. Either way, I wouldn't need an appointment. I finally managed to get an appointment with an outreach clinic in a nearby town at 7:30 tonight. It was my last ditch effort before paying the $100 copay for the ER, which I would have felt really stupid going to, since conjunctivitis is definitely not an emergency. I guess now I understand why people use the ER as their primary care, and escalate health care costs because of it.

Finally made it to see the doctor. I think she was a doctor. Maybe. Regardless, she has a DEA number and called in my z-pack and my antibacterial eye-drops to the pharmacy that was fortunately open until 9pm. She wasn't optimistic that I would look much different by morning, however. If I still can't use my eye, I'm not going to work tomorrow again. Just typing this with one eye gives me a headache. I'm about to go to bed, even though that's where I spent my entire day. I'm just annoyed that I couldn't see a freakin' doctor 12 hours sooner, and if I'd started the antibiotic this morning, my eye probably would have been fine by tomorrow morning. If I'd been in The City, I could have had an appointment this morning. Particularly if I were still a student and going to student health. If I trusted myself driving on the interstate with one eye, I would have just gone home to see my family practitioner and been treated sooner. Ridiculous. I didn't even need a doctor; I knew what I had, I just needed a damn prescription.

Anyway, the moral of the story is, if you move to a new city, find a doctor immediately and go see them for no apparent reason, just so you're no longer a "new patient," and they'll actually give you a damn appointment when you need antibacterial eye drops because you have effing pink eye.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I got sworn in on Friday. There was torrential rain, a lengthy delay in the ceremony starting because someone's grandma (literally) stroked out in the middle of the court room as we're all waiting in the hallway and had to be taken away by an ambulance, and finally, after an hour of standing in high heels on marble floors, they announced my name wrong before we all swore to uphold the US and state constitutions and not to engage in duels with deadly weapons. (Well, there went my weekend plans.) But they gave me my license and my bar card (that has the mental health hot-line number actually printed on it for when my raging alcoholism becomes too much and I get the overwhelming urge to miss clients' filing deadlines and steal money from escrow accounts just to buy mouthwash). I was decidedly underwhelmed. I got my photo with the Supreme Court Justice, then ditched the bar association reception in favor of ditching my heels for flippy-floppies and going to lunch at one of my favorite restaurants. Then I dropped my car off for $500 in maintenance to keep the tin can running for another year.

Anyway, it really doesn't feel any different to be an actual lawyer so far. I had my first client on Monday; he canceled. I went to court this morning; I didn't talk. Oh well. I did manage to call someone up and bitch today, so that was nice. It was just some annoying collections firm that kept calling with automated messages for someone we've never even heard of. They got lawyered; I was unnecessarily rough, just because I could. However, I'm getting sworn in to the local bar association on Friday, and we have a pre-trial conference that same morning. Should be exciting. I've been working on this case pretty much since I started, and it's a damn good case. It goes to trial a week from Monday. Hopefully I won't kill this trial like I kill all trials, and it settles ten minutes before, or the entire jury ends up with pig flu, or defense counsel can't make it from The Big City due to torrential rain and flooding, because that's what happens to all trials I'm involved in: they never happen. I'm either the best or the worst luck, not sure which.

In the meantime, I've contracted kiddie funk yet again. Not of the pig variety, however, so I'm still on the go. Sorta. This is the latest I've stayed up in almost a week. It's kicked my butt, and I had better be healthy by Saturday for our awesome Halloween party I've worked so hard on putting together. Since I've been watching Season 3 of Dexter, Cora and I have been making blood spatter decorations for the party. We'll be making more on Friday. Cora is a true artist, however; she knows when to stop. She has about a 10-minute attention span with the finger paints before she declares "All done!" It's messy; I really don't like mess. (I guess that crosses off "serial killer" from my list of career options, no blood spatter for me.) It was not the exciting activity I thought it would be, and I don't think I got my money's worth in her entertainment. She'd much rather go tear off sheets of toilet paper, put them in the toilet and flush them. That she could do all day.

Other than that, I've been brushing up on my trial skills, trying to be less incompetent. I have also found myself embroiled lately in debate with people incapable of rational and intelligent argument a/k/a complete and total nutters. I came across a new blog today, and this post completely sums it all up beautifully. (I am enamored with this chick's blog; we are relatively close geographically, she's liberal, and she loves cooking/Paula Dean. I love liberals and eating, so that is a definite win in my book.)

So, that's my life as a lawyer. Pretty much the same as my life as a law clerk, but billing at a higher rate. If I were actually billing right now, but I'm not, because all my work has been on contingency-based files lately. So yeah, pretty much the same!

Monday, October 26, 2009

MILP Roundup #121

This week's roundup is there. Next week's roundup is here. You know you want it.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Meteor Shower Madness

I think this bizarre day was caused by cosmic debris. I can't explain it otherwise.

First, Cora woke up at 3am to scream at us. She calmed down after a couple minutes and went back to sleep, but I couldn't go back to sleep. So I got out of bed to check on some meteor action. Nada. Went back to bed, tossed and turned and was reminded why I sleep better alone as Husband hogged the covers, my side of the bed, and kept kicking me. (Yes, I kicked him back.)

Alarm goes off at 6am. Since we were up much later than we should be, this meant I did not get enough sleep. Crawl out of bed, shower, get dressed, can't find my make-up bag, say screw it, kiss the Husband and my child who refuses to be woken up good-bye, and hit the road for the two hour drive ahead.

Still no impressive meteor shower on the way to work. Saw only two. Decide to take a "scenic alternate route" to work to see if it will get me to work on time, since I'm running 10 minutes behind. It doesn't. I'm 15 minutes late instead, which doesn't really seem to matter, but I feel guilty because I know the boss likes punctuality. I am decidedly unpunctual no matter where I'm driving to or from. Anyway, since he left for motion hour at the time I'm supposed to be coming into work, I'm sure he noticed. Blah.

Catch my heel on the plastic runner thingy that sits under my chair, and go flying half-way across the room. Manage to not sprain or break anything, and no one saw it.

Realize I've made a $200 subtracting error in my checkbook. The error is not in my favor. Good thing I get paid again next Friday, and good thing I have plenty in savings to cover anything in the meantime. Yes, I fail at math, even with a calculator.

Spent all freakin' day working on the pretrial memoranda for our upcoming trial, which is due Friday. This should not be hard. But it was. I could not make my brain send signal to my fingers to make them type coherent words. Every sentence I wrote, I hated. I rewrote the thing a billion times. My boss will probably rewrite it, because it still sucked. Oh well, I try really hard to not suck. Sometimes I just don't succeed.

Find out that our law school's new Dean sent out an email to the alumni listserv bragging about the fantastic bar pass rates this year. The lowest rates we've had at our school in, I dunno, decades maybe. This is also the first year our bar pass rates were below the state average, and we had the lowest pass rate out of the three law schools in our state. One of those law schools is a fourth-tier law school that snobbier folks refer to as a "paralegal school." Higher bar pass rate than us, as in 92% compared to our 83%. Considering the new Dean was spouting off completely misleading employment statistics last week at the CLE, instead of telling the room full of potential employers that our grads need jobs and here are their resumes... yeah, I'm not really confident things will be getting better there. Not a penny more of my money, no way!

Finally, the really weird thing that happened is I got an email from a certain totally awesome federal agency that, you know, like, investigates stuff, saying that my application was approved and I am invited to sit for the qualification exam. I nearly fell out of my chair. I responded to find out if it was really true, and they weren't just toying with my emotions. I had been rejected; they told me I could apply again when I had additional experience that might suit their needs. Turns out they have just amended their application requirements, and I suddenly qualified, eight months later. I kinda sat there dumbfounded and just laughing. I mean, I gave up that dream. They rejected me! I took a job in the private sector, and set out to practice law. I'm a trial lawyer now (or at least I will be on Friday). I'm in the process of building a life, and a whole different set of dreams. And now this unexpected opportunity presents itself. It's just baffling. Anyway, I'm taking the exam in the spring, and we'll see what happens. I'm not going to get my hopes up, the competition is crazy. There are probably thousands of people out there thousands of times more qualified than me, with language skills and military backgrounds, and just overall better educated. If I'm not selected to go any further in the application process, then that's okay. I have a job I really like, and even though the commute thing is insane, hopefully that will be resolved by summer. I'll just be really happy to have gotten the opportunity to take the test, I was really disappointed that I didn't get to when I initially applied. But if I am selected to continue... and ultimately selected to join up... well, that will be amazing. I know I'll have to sit down with Husband and have a really serious discussion about the implications for our family, but he's been really supportive about it. He was an Army brat, so moving around for him isn't the big deal that it is for me. Me? I've never lived outside of the state. I've only lived in three cities in the state.

Also, I have to seriously lose some weight, and get in shape. I have the next six months to do this. That might be the real test, in whether I can fulfill the fitness requirements. I need to start running again, which sucks, since it's cold, and I hate running in the cold. But maybe this is the motivation I need to finally do this, to lose weight and be in good shape. I had to buy size 14 pants last night, it's incredibly depressing. My size 12 skirts are getting tight. If I don't get selected after taking the exam, well, at least I will have gotten the weight off that I need to be healthy. I just turned 29 again! I don't want to be a heart attack waiting to happen.

So, anyway, it's just been a really weird day. Nothing totally bad, just really weird. I talked my mom into giving college classes another try, so we'll see how that turns out. That might be more drama than it's worth; it certainly was the last time. The last time, she had a freak-out session when her professor asked them to write her a one-page letter about why they were taking the class and/or going to college. She withdrew from all of her classes two days into the semester, and somehow that was all my fault. Hopefully she'll last more than two days. She needs to do something, because she isn't finding another job, and probably won't. She's going to end up living with me, and that is definite fail.

Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week, and then I'll be going to the capitol on Friday for the swearing in, and I'll be bonafide!

Monday, October 19, 2009


Now that the weather is getting cold (and particularly, it appears to always be raining), I'm trying to figure out "stuff to do" with Cora. I know, there was the conversation over at LL's blog about how saying a particular lifestyle would make you miserable is an affront to the other camp and their feelings, but shit, I struggle enough figuring out stuff to do with my kid just in the evenings and weekends, I'd be at a real loss figuring out what to do with her during the weekdays too. Maybe if I had a degree in Early Childhood Development, or had really any significant experience working with children, it might be better, but I don't. I talk, I read, I write, I do really boring stuff. Cora thinks it's boring too; I used to read to her from my tax casebook, and it put her right to sleep. I know, everyone says "crafts." I. Hate. Crafts. Hate them. I hate the mess involved with crafting stuff. Stickers and paper and scissors and finger paints and sparkly gluey stuff. Hate it. Several of my friends scrapbook. I can't scrapbook. My idea of a scrapbook is to stick all the pictures in like a photo album and call it a day. Just can't do it. The City daycare does crafts with the kids every day. They make great stuff, and Cora really enjoys it. I know I have to go get the stuff and do it, but ugh, what a mess. I'm not adverse to clutter, but I really hate mess.

I can tell my kid gets bored with me, particularly here in Small Town, where she doesn't have a ton of toys, or her "puppy," to entertain her. We read books, we color (crayons and coloring books I can handle), we play with the few toys she has here. I take her to the indoor playgrounds at the mall and at Chick-Fil-A. She probably watches too much TV. But I figure her language development is advanced, so it can't be all bad. I just don't want her to be bored though. I was definitely bored when I wasn't in school. My mother is a homebody, the only trips out of the house we took were to the pool and to the mall. I could only occasionally talk her into a trip to the playground. I watched 3.5 hours of soaps every day. Every day. I can tell you what was going on in the now-defunct soap Loving, All My Children, One Life to Live, and General Hospital until I was in college and stopped watching all except GH (and Loving ended years before that, then became Port Charles, a GH spin-off, which also died). I started watching Days of Our Lives for a little while, but got bored with it. Anyway, I digress. I'm sure it will get better once she's a little older and we can play games together and her attention span for reading a book will go beyond Goodnight Moon. Then I won't feel like I'm boring the hell out of my kid every evening, and she won't hand me the remote control and demand "ABBY!"

I am amazed at how much she seems to understand though. She occasionally has little temper tantrums at bedtime because she doesn't want to go to sleep. Telling her she isn't allowed to scream about it seems to be working. For instance, tonight I put her to bed and a few minutes later, she's squalling at the top of her lungs. I went into her room, and told her that I know she's sad she has to go to sleep, but that doesn't mean that she gets to scream about it, absolutely no screaming. She nods, sniffles, and stops screaming. No more noise. It isn't just a fluke, it's continued to work. It doesn't usually work during the day for temper tantrums though. Those I generally have to just wait out until she pulls it together, or resolve the problem (like, I'm starving to death, where's my food). Not too bad. But, she's not quite two yet. I'm sure there's plenty of fun still to come.

As an aside, the names were finally released for bar results in our state, and apparently this year is the outlier statistically. Normally we have between 9 and 10 fail, this year it was 17. We even had a big shocker -- a top ten grad from our class didn't pass. Therefore, I count myself very lucky that I did.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

MILP Roundup #120

Butterflyfish has it. PT-Lawmom has it next week. Then back here. You know you like it.

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis between PT-LawMom, Butterflyfish, and Attorney Work Product blogs. We originally rounded up just the moms in law school, but then discovered that those women eventually graduate. Who knew? So now all the moms in the legal field (heh) are represented. We aim for Sunday posts.

October doings

This past Thursday I attended a family law CLE at my law school. My boss wanted me to go, even though I can't count the credits (they said I could only if I went over to the capitol to be sworn in early... no thanks). He wanted me to go for the information and also the networking. It was really interesting. There was a big State Supreme Court case this year that originated from our county, which changed the way custody/time-sharing is viewed. The attorney who argued (and lost) the case gave a presentation on it. I spoke with the winning attorney on the phone Friday and got her take on it. Really interesting stuff. Some of the other topics included bankruptcy (which I know very little about considering the last time I had anything to do with bankruptcy law was prior to the 2005 changes), prenuptial agreements, and accounting and goodwill valuation (which went completely over my head and nearly put me into a coma). The most interesting speaker, however, was a solicitor from England, speaking on negotiations and alternate dispute resolution. We also got to hear quite a bit about English family law, which was just fascinating. By the end of the presentation, I was emailing my husband about how we're moving to England. Of course, when I left the law school and it was cold and rainy, I remembered why I probably wouldn't like living in England. Can't wait to visit, however. (That's our plan for next fall when Husband's done with his practitioner boards.)

Since I was coming back to The City on Wednesday evening, I kept Cora with me an extra day in Small Town. It was nice, because we got to spend a lot of time together this week, particularly as a family. Husband's coursework has calmed down, and while he's spending a lot of time in his clinicals, at least he isn't working on a ton of stuff when he comes home from clinic, and he'll be done with clinic soon anyway. Then hopefully he'll be able to come to Small Town instead of me making a trip back to The City during the week. Waking up at 6am to drive two hours to work kinda sucks. I mean, it's not terrible, but I do like my sleep. Also, I dunno how much longer my poor little Corolla is going to hold together. I'm waiting for the day it just falls to pieces. It's a great car, but it's a '99 and it has almost 100,000 miles on it. Since it isn't worth anything, my plan is to drive it into the ground and then buy a new car. I'm hoping it'll last another two years, but realistically, at this rate, I'll probably only get another year out of it. So, trying very hard to get as much of my credit cards paid off as possible before that happens, so I'll even be able to get a car loan.

Anyway, lots going on the next couple weeks. This Friday is the swearing in ceremony. My father-in-law is coming in for it, then spending the night with us. If the weather's nice, we'll take him and Cora to the horse track. Cora was watching horse racing at the restaurant tonight when we went out. I should have known she'd like racing, it combines two of her favorite things: horsies and numbers. Add that to one of my favorite things (alcohol), and it's a trifecta! It should be fun though. This particular track is only open in April and October, so it'll be nice to make it out since I didn't in April. Saturday morning we have tickets to see Elmo Live, which Cora and her friend J will be very excited about. Abby Cadabby will be there too, so there will be much fangirl squeeing. We also need to find time to take Cora to the pumpkin patch to get a pumpkin and abuse pet some farm animals, as well as run through this year's corn maze. Busy weekend ahead!

Then the weekend after is Halloween. Cora has two costumes. One that is super awesome, but I'm not sure if she'll wear it (she doesn't like stuff on her head), and the other is Abby Cadabby, as a back-up. I'm going to send her to daycare in the Abby Cadabby dress on Friday, regardless. Then if I can't get her to wear the awesome costume, she can go Trick or Treating as Abby. Either one will be super cute. There will be pictures of both, regardless.

After Trick or Treating, Cora will be shipped off to spend the night with J, J's baby sister S, and Baby L (another friend's baby that's coming in from out of state for the party). My mom will be babysitting the whole gaggle of babies while we party it up at my house for our annual Halloween debauchery. The toddlers will be asleep though, so Mom will only have the two newborns to contend with. And Cora won't be awake to be insanely jealous that "Maw-Maw" is holding Baby S. She's been okay with Husband and I holding the baby, but damn, the minute she saw my mom hold her, she flipped the hell out.

The Halloween party should be a lot of fun though. Our neighbors should just be grateful that there's only one night a year we do shit like have really tacky decorations all over the exterior of our house (including a fog machine pumping smoke from our balcony) have drunk people doing rebel yells from the balcony, have drunk people participating in three-legged races on the front lawn (and water balloon fights in the back yard) at 2 in the morning, not to mention wearing some incredibly inappropriate costume when Trick or Treaters come to the door (ooh! this year I'll be wearing the incredibly inappropriate costume while Trick or Treating... sweet!). And if it's warm enough and not raining, most people will be outside on our back deck anyway. But, our neighbors have yet to complain about it, or call the cops on us. So, that's awesome at least. We all have our quirks in our neighborhood, although I suspect we're probably the quirkiest.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Getting to Now

It's been a helluva trip.

I first gave serious consideration to a legal career back in 2000. I had just gotten laid off from a job doing corporate sales, which I really enjoyed, but even at 20 years old I recognized that would not be a career with much job security. I waited tables for awhile, then realizing it wouldn't be enough to pay the bills, went to a temp agency to find work. I'd never had an office job before, but I was proficient with computers (I'd previously been a service technician at the now-defunct computer superstore) and could type very well. I asked them to place me in a law office; I wanted to see if I'd like it.

The job itself? I totally hated it. I spent two years working for an insurance defense sweatshop. The attorneys were mostly assholes, almost all white men, and I could have made more money working at McDonald's. But I was fascinated by the work. I decided I wanted to go to law school, and continued working to finish my bachelor's degree. I had a lot of setbacks finishing my degree, both personal and medical. I could only go part time for awhile because of my work schedule and a lack of money to do otherwise.

But, finally, in October 2004, I took the LSAT, with graduation set for May 2005. By then, my husband and I were living together, and he proposed the week after I took the LSAT. Later that year, I took the GRE and applied to graduate school as well. I got accepted to grad school and chose my law school accordingly. I started coursework on my masters in my last semester of undergrad in 2005, and officially entered the program in the fall. In 2006, I got married, quit my job, went on my honeymoon, and started law school. That winter, I threw away the pill, I finished 1L, and the rest starts here.

It was often hard, and there were plenty of times I just wanted to give up. But I knew that practicing law was what I wanted to do. There were lots of setbacks. I had to repeat courses in undergrad, and I took 7 years to graduate. I had let personal matters get in the way, I let medical issues get in the way. There were times in my life when I completely fell apart and had to start from the ground up. I take disappointment very badly. I tend to crumble and fall into myself, and even though I've learned to keep fighting out of necessity, it takes its toll and I get lost in my own head while throwing my own pity parties. I grew up a little, but maybe not completely.

Graduate school was a breath of fresh air, although still difficult with working full time. Once I got to law school, I thought it would all be okay, but it wasn't. I hated it. I enjoyed the law and the practice of law, but I hated law school. 1L completely consumes you. And not everyone around you is supportive and understanding of that fact. Some were even quite cruel about it. It's easy to lose yourself in the misery of it all. You find most of your friends are on antidepressants and you wonder why you aren't taking them too. But my apathy has always been the anchor that keeps me sane.

That's when we decided to throw a baby into the mix: I just didn't care enough about law school to not risk my "success." My grades were nothing impressive, if they dropped, it wouldn't matter. And it didn't matter. I graduated and I have a job (whereas friends of mine in the top 10% don't). I really cared about my legal career, so not messing that up with pregnancy was important. A very good choice; there is no way I would have kept any job with the pregnancy I had. Or the nightmare in the first month of parenthood. And besides, the only thing that makes studying for tax better, is this.

There were certainly highs and lows in law school. Highs, other than Cora, included getting best oral argument 1L year, making awesome friends, Barrister's Ball (all three years), being involved in student organizations, taking litigation skills, doing the prosecutorial internship, and getting my best grades in the two classes I loved the most (which just proves that I can do well when I actually give a shit). Lows included (other than horrific pregnancy and emergency surgeries) bad grades when I had studied really hard (didn't really care when I got bad grades and didn't study... like in corporations, oops), trying to implement positive changes with the international law program and finding no one there gave a shit, and not making the mock trial team. But it all works out in the end. They let me graduate. I got a job. I took the bar. I actually passed it.

Now what? It's a weird feeling to have actually achieved my long-term goals. Now I have to set new ones. What do I want to do with myself? I want to build my skills as a litigator. I want to network in my new community and build my reputation. I want to lose weight and get in shape, especially important since it appears I may be in my thirties now. I want to start playing the violin again. I want to read books for fun. Later, I want to have another kid. (Much later.) I want to teach undergrads in history and/or political science. I want to write a book. I want to go back to Europe. I want to actually be fluent in Spanish and Italian. Lots of things to do, I guess I should figure out where to start!

But mostly, I just want to enjoy my life. My awesome job, my limited but valuable time with my husband, time with friends and other family, and most importantly, plenty of time with Cora, my little scholar-in-training.

Pensive Bunny

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Weekly MILP Roundup #119

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup** is hosted on a rotating basis here, PT-Lawmom and A Little Fish in Law School blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. Next week, go to Butterflyfish for the awesomeness of the MILP roundup.

This week, the lovely law ladies are working hard, on a variety of projects:

After a completely crappy few weeks of crazy illnesses, Legally Certifiable gets a chance to show her crafty side in time for Halloween.

PT-Lawmom is working to overcome her fears.

Magic Cookie finds that building relationships is the key to success.

The Reluctant Grownup discovers the suck of Bluebooking it.

Newlawmom is lobbying for more hours in the day (personally I'd prefer more hours at night!)

Cee has a duty to warn of her inherently dangerous Attack Baby!

LagLiv knows how to raise a good man -- teach him to clean! (I'm throwing in Cora's bid for Landon by the way!)

Tranny goodness -- Sumo works it with the pumpkins.

Law licenses -- Dakota and Butterflyfish has 'em! (Ooh ooh, me too!)

And finally,

Hangover -- I has it. Blah.

There ya go! Tune in next week for more MILP goodness! Cheers!

If you would like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.

**Hat tip to the “original” Roundup Evan Schaeffer’s Legal Underground and Thanks, But No Thanks

Friday, October 9, 2009

Proto Attorney, Esq.

I'm completely stunned, relieved, and exhausted. When I got the first Facebook message that the results were up, I couldn't even check it. I sat there staring at the link to the results, I couldn't click on it. Instead I called one of my friends from law school for moral support since I was having a panic attack. Something similar happened with my LSAT scores. I was chatting with a friend on IM when I got the email with my score. I wasn't expecting it so soon, and started freaking out. Anyway, my friend told me it's like a bandaid, just rip it off. And there I was, shaking, I click on the link, and my number was listed. I breathed a deep sigh of relief. I was also relieved for my tablemate with the crazy Mac issues, and who ran out of time before she could answer the very last multiple choice question. I don't remember her name, she was from another school, but I'll likely see her again in two weeks.

But what really sucks is that one of my good friends did not pass. So, it will be a bittersweet celebration tonight, if he still comes out. He said before he would, so I hope so. I know he'll pass the next time. He's been looking into non-legal jobs for awhile now, I don't think his heart is in it anyway.

New panic attack: OMG, I have to practice law now! Oh shit.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Stuff Other Than the Bar

Going back and forth between responding to motions in limine for an upcoming trial, and freaking out, is not working. So I figured I'd try some happier distractions: other stuff that's going on.

Some friends of ours got married this weekend. Husband was a groomsman. So, we had a busy weekend of celebrating. The wedding was perfect, it was a beautiful day for it, outside at a local winery. The bride arrived in a horse-drawn carriage, and the groom cried. It was lovely. The wine was lovely too. So lovely that it upset my delicate tummy (I suspect wine + bar-exam-induced ulcers don't mix), but I was okay by morning and doing my usual Sunday chores.

However, Husband was quite hung-over, and ended up with a bad headache. As I was gathering up his dirty laundry from the floor on his side of the bed (we have long since lost the battle with getting him to put dirty clothes into a "hamper"), in his hangover fog, he told me to get his wallet out of his pants before I washed them. So, I didn't think to check the pockets after that, I figured that's all he had in there. Nope. That afternoon we discovered I had washed his cell phone, whoops. We'd been debating between getting iPhones and getting Blackberries, so we needed to hurry up and make a decision. Since Sprint refused to give us a good deal (only $150 off the $500 Blackberry for him, nothing for me), we broke my contract with Sprint, went with AT&T and got iPhones. Absolutely love it, it's awesome. Paid less for two iPhones than I would have for my Blackberry, and the added bonus of actually getting service in boofoo. (There's an entire county on the interstate where I didn't get service with Sprint. That is definite fail.) Also, that takes care of getting Husband a new iPod, since his is seriously old and barely holds any music on it (and no video). Much more expensive than what we were paying with Sprint, but it's at least much more useful for both of us. He's using it a lot in clinic, and I'll be using it a lot for business too, as I did the past two days when working at home.

Not much else going on. Cora is still a chatterbox, a bossy boots, and a drama queen, but she's doing a lot better at her Small Town daycare. She no longer screams like the world is coming to an end when I leave her there, and the other day, she even reached out for the lady to hold her when we walked in. She obviously doesn't like it as much as her other daycare. There aren't big smiles when she walks in, more like quiet resignation. But oh well. I had my uppity moment this week when I picked her up on Monday and the lady was gushing about how smart Cora is, because she knows all of her ABC's, and she can count to 5 (she can actually count to 10, and she knows her numbers 0-20). I was like, yeah, she's really smart (thinking, actually, that's what happens when you take the time to teach kids stuff in daycare instead of letting them watch Barney all day). But, that isn't to under-estimate the abilities of my toddler, because she is quite brilliant. She's also very much ready for potty training, although I am not. We bought her a kid potty, but it's in the trunk of Husband's car. I'm scared of it. But we're at the point that if she wakes up in the morning and has a dirty diaper, she's going to strip herself down and "take care of the problem," i.e. make a huge disgusting mess. Ugh. So, it's time.

Anyway, people keep calling me and emailing me and expecting me to do lawyer stuff. It's getting really annoying. Doesn't the entire world know I am waiting anxiously for bar results and to just leave me alone until then? I don't get why the world doesn't stop for my angst. It stops for my toddler's, why not mine?


My concentration is officially shot. It's amazing I didn't wreck and die on the way to work this morning from The City. My hands are literally shaking from the nervousness, lack of sleep, lack of sustenance. I am a hot mess. I don't know why I'm letting them do this to me, torture me like this. This sucks. I am usually a pretty calm person, and only certain things get to me. This is definitely one of them.

Last night, I had several dreams. Some included failing the bar, particularly the MBE. Some included failing the essay part, and passing the MBE. One even included passing the bar. That was the last dream. I woke up after that dream, to the cold reality that bar results aren't out yet, and it was just a dream. My dream also included a visit from someone I hadn't thought about in a very long time, and haven't seen in about a decade. He was there after bar results came out and hugged me and told me he was proud of me. I hope that's a good omen.

Anyway, Cora got sent home from daycare on Tuesday, so we left early to go back to The City. She took a 3 1/2 hour nap, so I know she definitely didn't feel good. We went to the doctor Wednesday morning, and got her started on an antibiotic for a sinus and ear infection. The doctor's office was completely out of the pediatric flu shot, so now I have to bring her back another day to get that, and they're not sure if they recommend getting the swine flu shot at the same time, they're thinking they should spread the two vaccines out a bit.

So, a day off work/working at home. Of course, my concentration is shot, so my working at home wasn't as productive as I'd hoped. Cora wasn't even the distraction. Turn on Elmo and/or Abby Cadabby, and the kid doesn't make a peep other than squeals of happiness/laughter. Just my immense anxiety about having to study for that effing exam again.

I have this list of things I want to start doing, but I haven't been able to make myself do them because of the fear of having to start bar prep again doing what I didn't want to do this summer: work all day and study for the bar at night. My poor little brain can't take that much legal nonsense.

One more day, and at least I'll know and life can go on.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Counting Down

Counting down to Friday, which seems like an eternity away. At the same time, wishing Friday would never come, so I can continue to believe that I actually passed the bar instead of finding out otherwise. It's kinda like 1L grades. That happy bliss after you take finals, turning to nervousness as grades start posting, turning to disappointment as you realize you aren't nearly as smart as you thought you were. That's the entire experience of law school up to, and including, the bar exam. Effing bar exam, I hate you. I wish you would burst into flames and die a horrific death. And from then on, all the law students that graduate and have a JD, would get to practice law. Imagine that! Making it all the way through school and passing all of those subject areas means you're minimally competent to practice law. So just give me my law license already. Bastards. Stop torturing me! I told Husband that if I stroke out and die from freaking out about bar results before Friday, he'd better take my body to the capitol and get me sworn in posthumously. But I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for having failed. I just can't figure out any possible way I could have answered enough questions correctly to pass the MBE. It was way too hard, and there were way too many questions I couldn't even narrow down to two. I was way too weak on Property, and I don't think I made it up with the other subject areas.

Anyway. Today was my birthday. The big 3-0. Ick. I don't know that I've accomplished enough to be 30 yet. I was pretty sure I'd be retiring by 35. I'm pretty sure I won't even have my credit card paid off by then. I'll be 60 by the time my student loans are paid off. That fails, big time. Depression. This week is looking more doom and gloom by the minute.

Weekly MILP Roundup #118

PT-Lawmom has it. Go read it. Come back here next week for some more.
The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis between PT-LawMom, Butterflyfish, and Attorney Work Product blogs. We originally rounded up just the moms in law school, but then discovered that those women eventually graduate. Who knew? So now all the moms in the legal field (heh) are represented. We aim for Sunday posts.