Disclaimer

This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Epiphanies

As I'm sitting in my office, doing research on an issue of civil procedure where I'm finding nothing useful to our position, and thinking this would be a lot easier if I'd actually learned something in Civ Pro (our prof hadn't taught the course in 30 years and didn't intend to suddenly start then), I began to daydream wistfully about New Year's. I'm looking forward to the party at our friends' house, and my mom is taking our kid and their kid overnight so we can get our drink-on and not wake up with hangovers to feed and entertain toddlers. Then I started to think about the New Year itself. It's always a new slate, new beginnings. What do I want to resolve to do in this new year? Lose weight, quit bad habits, etc., etc.?

Then I realized. This New Year? Is going to suck. One more semester of law school, with a rather tough schedule ahead. Four classes with exams, part time internship and a part time job. Having to study for the bar exam right after graduation. Taking the bar exam, and out of town too, because The Other Big City hosts the July exam, we host the February one. Waiting anxiously for bar results. Desperately looking for work and likely not finding any. Student loan residual money running out. Student loans coming into repayment. Oh, and then turning 30. Ugh. Oh, and Husband thinks we should go ahead and get pregnant again, because I don't have any job prospects anyway, I might as well sit at home and breed. I see his point, but hell. Double Ugh.

So what are my New Year's resolutions in this year of unpleasant things to come?

First, not taking shit so seriously. I think I'm getting better at it. While the no-job prospect/repayment of student loans thing would normally have me in Severe Panic Mode, like to the point of needing to be heavily medicated as I sob hysterically in the corner, I find myself not really giving a crap. I am doing the best I can, joining legal organizations, networking as much as possible, leaving no stone unturned, but if at the end of the day I end up waiting tables, meh. Such is life. I hope I will be able to take the same attitude with the bar. I'm going to study hard, do the best I can and not panic. Things will turn out all right. And if for some reason I were to fail the bar, well, it's not like it'll cost me a job. There's always February. Somehow, that does take the pressure off. I figure I'm about to enter my 30's, I'm overweight and I have a family history of heart disease. Time to make some lifestyle changes, and one of those is eliminating anxiety, otherwise I'm going to totally stroke out.

Second, I need to drink more. No, seriously. It'll also help with the first resolution.

Third, I need to go back to the gym. This one is my annual resolution, because by the end of the year I've stopped going. Once I graduate, I'm canceling my Y membership and going back to the "good" gym, that has fewer creepy old men trying to chat me up (even with the iPod on) and many more available machines. I'll be including that expense in my post-graduation budget, but it's so worth it.

Fourth, eating better. I've been eating significantly less, thanks to Cora always having her grubby fingers in my food, which is probably why I had lost ten pounds when I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago. The kid has quite an appetite, and she literally eats half my food. I hope since she has her father's appetite, she also gets his metabolism. (Husband's one of those annoying people who eats five times the normal portion size, and doesn't gain any weight. He did pack on some weight by being off work for two months when Cora was born, but he ate a few salads and went to the gym a couple times and dropped most of the weight. Bastard.) But hey, cutting down my portions has been good for me. Saves more calories for alcohol. And I now weigh less than I did when I got pregant, and am two sizes smaller. I bought new pants the other day, because my pants are all too big, and I only bought one size smaller when I should have bought two. It's good to be downgrading, instead of upgrading.

Fifth, enjoying life more. I've given up a lot of activities I enjoy during the past few years of painful law school agony. Reading books for fun, singing in the choir (which I'm starting back in January, so I've been doing some vocal work during the break... I need so much work, it's embarassing) and playing musical instruments (piano, violin, and I'd like to learn guitar), learning/practicing foreign languages (I definitely need to build my Spanish back up... it's amazing how much you forget when you don't use it. Even so, I had always kept up my reading proficiency, but even it's lacking these days. Sucks.). I want to play racquetball with friends again, and tennis in the summer. I'd like to start running again. I'd like to get a scholarly article published. I'd like to write a book. Hell, I'd like to write a screenplay! I'd like to learn to paint. There are so many things I want to do, and I feel that once law school is over, I'll have this weight lifted from my shoulders. Granted, if I actually get a job, I'll probably be working crazy hours and not have time for all that. But if dreams come true and I get a job where I don't work crazy hours (like a job with the state, that'd be real nice), there are so many other things I'd like to do, even law-related. Coach a mock trial team at my old high school, volunteer for our local immigration clinic. Who knows? I just think that, whatever happens, as of August, my life will be my own once again. (Other than being an indentured servant to the student loan people.)

5 comments:

Cee said...

Here is to making more room in your daily calorie intake for alcohol!!! AMEN! It does sound like you will have a stressful year but my epiphany this year was that life goes by WAY too fast- so try to enjoy the good among the bad :)

Dee said...

And life keeps moving on. Oh well Civ Pro will always suck but thank God for family and friends on whom you can lean when things get to you.

Happy New Year and best wishes this coming semester.

Shelley said...

I really smiled when I read No. 5 - it sounds much like me! I am always on a mission to do everything. Perfectly. And by yesterday. Even when I do a lot of it, I feel like a failure for not having done everything on my list...not so healthy. My bar has lowered so much since having the baby - now I'm happy if I brush my teeth twice a day and read a few pages of a book between picking up toddler messes and pulling Peach off of the top of furniture.

As for my musical goals: pretty small. I finally unwound the strings on the cello and vow to sign up for lessons sometime before the end of March. Sigh. I wish you much better luck!!!

You will be so glad to stay in a hotel in another city for the bar! I stayed at the Embassy Suites because the bar was taking place on the other side of our metro area, and it involved several freeways to get there. It was really wonderful to not have to stress about anything except the exam - no worry about the commute, my husband, thinking about other things. (FWIW, studying for the bar is much easier than law school, and it's awfully nice to just have to worry about working on one particular project. The pressure is more intense, but overall, much simpler. Trust me, you will rock it.) :)

LL said...

"I might as well sit at home and breed"

I'm not sure if it should have, but that made me laugh out loud. Bitterly funny, I suppose.

I hope this year is much better than you expect and that you get to accomplish some of the things you hope to- especially the drinking of more alcohol!

Trannyhead said...

Civ Pro sucks a fat one. And I am realizing that my professor left me with HUGE expanses of emptiness now that I'm trying to prepare for the bar exam.

*deep sigh*

Back to studying ...