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This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Defeated

I didn't make trial advocacy board. I even appealed and still didn't make it. I know I didn't do a great job, but I really thought I did well enough to score on. Apparently not.

It's just one more thing making me rethink even being in law school. I thought I could justify my crappy grades by saying, hey, I make up for it in other ways, I'm good at other things. But the truth is, I'm just not good at anything. I've effectively failed at everything I've done so far. I didn't make TAB, or moot court, all the projects I've tried to accomplish for ILS have fallen through, including the study abroad. My grades are going to be terrible, if I even pass my classes at all, which will probably push me to the absolute bottom of the class. I'm up to my ears in debt, from school loans, and now all the medical bills, all because I didn't think through my choices. I can't even grow a baby without screwing it up. If I even make it through the rest of law school, and actually pass the bar, all of my original career goals are shot. I should have just stayed a secretary. Less debt, less opportunity for complete failure. Better health insurance.

I don't even know whether I should continue this semester, or just go ahead and withdraw.

11 comments:

2L Wannabe said...

i hear you. I am just beginning and already feel this way - and I have four kids to answer to LOL.
Hang in sister. Pregnancy hormones plus school stress plus cravings plus swollen ankles plus perceived rejection can only equal chocolate plus a bubble bath and a nice long rub down from your S.O.
Peace to you as you gestate. It IS worth it.

TriLawyer said...

Take a deep breath. As a practicing lawyer, let me tell you a little secret: your grades in law school, your accomplishments in moot court or competitions, your "learning" experiences on the law review - mean diddily poo when you finally start practicing law.

Sure - they mean something. But don't let those academic pursuits define you. You are obviously a caring mother-to-be and if law is the right choice - you will make it. If it is not, you will be put on the right path. I am sure you will do the right thing.

So, again - take a deep breath and follow 2L's advice on the bath. Life is more than law school.

~TriLawyer

Shelley said...

From where I'm sitting, I can't see where failure features in this -- you are a high risk pregnancy (aren't you supposed to be on bed rest?) who has kept up with law school classes AND kept a baby that might not have been if you hadn't been so vigilant.

And wait a minute -- aren't you in another grad program on top of everything else? And you're married to another grad student? And you're keeping it all together while going to the hospital twice a week for NSTs?! When do you find time to do things like eat and sleep? :)

As for moot court and so on -- trust me, you'll learn much more in your first time going to court for real than you will in an entire semester of make-believe. You don't need the busy work or the stress.

As for grades, you really never know. My first full-on A was in a class I didn't do the reading for.

Law school with only a (working) husband, dogs, and ferrets -- that was all I could handle. I am floored that you're able to do all that can.

Do treat yourself to a spa day -- a day with no studying, no worrying about grades, and just relax as much as you can. Seriously, it'll be well worth the cost in terms of your sanity.

Henny Penny said...

I withdrew from one fav class, got a low grade in another fav class, and got fine grades in the other 2 plus a pass in moot ct the semester I was pregnant. Finals were v rough for me. My grandmother died on top of my being 9 months pregnant. I did lose out on one job b/c of that semester, but things are groovy now. I took a year leave of absence and that was the best thing I could do to return to law school ready to excell.

Butterflyfish said...

Law school is the ultimate mind-f&ck... it makes otherwise intelligent accompished people feel like utter shit.

The line "I can't even grow a baby right" struck a chord with me because I have been very unsuccessful lately getting/ staying pregnant.

You, my dear, are going to be fine. It just doesn't feel like that now.

legally certifiable said...

Well, ditto what pretty much everyone else said. And I don't even think withdrawing for a semester or two would be so terrible. It would give you a chance to reorganize and reprioritize. One thing you will have to acknowledge as a mom is that you can't do everything. If you really think your grades will be terrible, it may be better to withdraw than to spend the rest of your law school career (with a newborn!) trying to make up for it. But like Butterflyfish said, law school is a big mindfuck--so do you really think it is that bad, or have they just psyched you out?

And you are doing a great job growing a baby. Even with the problems, she is still with you and doing better, right? And you are going to all the miserable appointments to make sure that she will be ok, right?

You'll end up ok, there are just a few bumps in the road right now.

PT-LawMom said...

Hang in there, lady, you're doing great. Pregnancy is rough and it makes your brain work differently. Any employer will understand that you had a LOT on your plate this semester! You *will* get through this and you *will* find a job. I agree with 2L Wannabe -- get some chocolate fast (but skip the hot bath, oh pregnant one)! And maybe a glass of wine? My doctor let me have one a week that last trimester. Do you really have your heart set on being a trial lawyer? Then instead of doing Trial Ad, why not talk to a local litigator about an internship or shadowing him/her in court? There is more than one way to skin a cat. :)

LL said...

I smiled when I read Butterflyfish's wise declaration that law school is the biggest mindfuck. It's so true. It should be hard to make very bright people doubt themselves so completely, but a few months of law school and most of us are doing it.

If you think withdrawing for a semester would help you, then do it. But I'm inclined to think that since you've stuck through it so far, and there's only a few weeks left, maybe just finish it (you might want next semester off anyway). It's okay if your grades aren't stellar. Would dropping just one class- the one you're the most behind in or understand the least- help?

Keep reminding yourself that no one can do everything perfectly. That growing a baby, especially your baby, is a miracle and a lot of hard work (yes, resting is work). That law school is absolutely not indicative of how great of a lawyer you'll be or how much you'll enjoy your career. I hope you find a way to make things a little easier, even if it's just you being easier on yourself!

LawSchoolMom said...

Honestly, I've been amazed at how hard you've been pushing yourself. I took a year off from school when I was pregnant with Bubba and I was a no risk pregnancy!

Hanah said...

I second what everyone else has said, and will add the following old joke:

What do they call someone who graduates at the bottom of his law school class? A lawyer.

Kim said...

I agree with everyone else. Hang in there...you ARE successful at all you are doing.

You simply can't compare yourself with everyone else...now or ever. If this is the right choice for you...the thing that will make you happy...then this is what you should be doing.

Hang in there! We are all rooting for you and know that are so much more than your grades and trial ad board!!!