Still stuck in the hospital. No increase in amniotic fluids, and I've got another day of IV antibiotics and bedrest, at least. I just want to go home. I'm exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally. I really don't know how much more of this I can handle. Worried about pre-term labor, without having even reached viability for a healthy fetus, let alone one trying to recover from hydrops with a pipe hanging out of its back to drain a cyst. We can't deliver for another two months at least and guarantee a healthy baby in the end.
I'm just so tired of all of this. I just want to go home. Sleep in my own bed, not be poked with anymore giant needles, and have a nice cup of Earl Grey while cuddled on the couch with Husband and Family Dog. I don't know how I'm ever going to get caught up with school, especially if I keep missing more class.
I don't even know if we made the right decision in trying to save this pregnancy. I'm so afraid we'll have done all of this for nothing, that there won't be a baby anyway, when we should have just terminated the pregnancy and accepted our loss. I don't know that we weighed our decisions enough. We jumped at the chance to save this pregnancy without truly considering the repercussions. There were surgeons willing to do the surgery, they gave us very good odds, and that seemed good enough for us. Maybe that's the only thing we could do, is try all we could to have a healthy baby. The odds were in our favor, best case scenario we'd have a healthy baby, so how could we not try? And maybe, cosmically, trying was for the best because it's the only way that medical technology improves.
I dunno, I guess I'm just trying to make sense of all of this. Maybe there isn't any sense to be made. All I know is, I want to go home, and I want to know that all of the turmoil we've been through over the past two weeks wasn't for nothing.