Disclaimer

This blog is not intended to provide legal advice, legal services or legal anything else. Don't sue me. All I have is debt anyway.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Normalcy?

I'm trying to figure out a way to establish some sort of normalcy over the next few weeks until we know more about our condition, and what our options are. Stupidly, I skipped class today, moreso because I didn't want to answer questions about the ultrasound (I find I can't maintain my composure if I talk about it) and also I hadn't done any of the reading anyway and didn't want to explain to professors why I hadn't read. I plan to go back tomorrow. I gave Husband the go-ahead to work tonight. He's busy worrying about me, but he's probably taking it harder than I am. I think fussing over me helps him cope though, he's a nurse afterall. We had to cancel our trip to Chicago this weekend for a friend's wedding, and I hope I was successful in convincing her (via e-mail) that nothing's really wrong, but that I'm just restricted from traveling as a health precaution. Also, I finally posted on my personal blog so people would stop calling me and asking how the ultrasound went. My phone is still turned off. I still don't want to talk to anyone. Talking about it makes me cry, and crying about it won't change anything and just makes me feel worse.

Husband called his parents and my mother last night to explain the situation. My mother-in-law responded by sending out a prayer request to everyone we're related to (which is like a billion people), and copying us on it. Yeah, that didn't really make me feel better. What did make me feel better was Husband's brother-in-law making fun of the e-mail our mother-in-law sent to everyone we're related to. Hehe. At least I still have a sense of humor.

Anyway, we did a bunch of research on the condition and asked one of our doctor friends to conduct some research too, since she probably has access to materials we don't. We will know more once we have another ultrasound on Wednesday, and also an amnio to rule out any genetic defects. Our new doctor was more optomistic after she did some research herself, and consulted with other specialists about the preliminary findings. If growth of the mass eventually "plateaus" then our chances are extremely good that the fetus will make it to full term and surgery can be performed after birth to remove the growth. I'm just holding onto that hope for right now, that we can make it to delivery (which is almost certain to be cesarean). Somehow all the amnio/cesarean talk isn't scaring the shit out of me like it used to, as I have this overwhelming feeling that I don't care what they do to me, if I can just have a healthy baby at the end. Maybe I have maternal instinct afterall.

4 comments:

CM said...

Pulling for you... good luck. Keep taking the time you need for yourself.

PT-LawMom said...

Maybe you could talk to student services (or have your husband do it) so they can ask your teachers to ease up a bit? I'm praying for you (go ahead, make fun ;0 )and the baby.

Proto Attorney said...

Oh no, we're not making fun of the prayer request itself, just that it was sent to the billion of our relatives. :>

Shelley said...

I am hoping for the best for you. I am so reminded of myself when you wrote of your thought processes. Pamper yourself if you can!