So you want to be a lawyer...

Ruby Falls has started some excellent posts on the subject of "Should I Go to Law School?" I would love to see all of the Moms in the Legal Profession write a post on this topic to tell our stories. I think the various experiences are important to the discussion, not only for the future members of our profession, but for the current ones.

If you haven't visited the blog of Law Professor Paul Campos, it's worth a read through. (And as a six degrees to Kevin Bacon aside, Prof. Campos also blogs at Lawyers, Guns & Money, along with a professor from my foreign relations graduate program). I am extremely critical of law schools. I hated law school. Which is incredibly ironic, since I'm now teaching law students. Bahahaha! However, I also have extremely strong opinions (involving violent, uncontrollable twitching) concerning the load of crap from two people who have no idea what the legal profession is like on the ground McGinnis and Mangas op-ed from the Wall Street Journal that goes far beyond the criticisms made by Prof. Campos. Legal education may need a huge overhaul, but it cannot be eliminated. It would destroy our profession. And I believe in this profession, as fucked up as it is.

First, some background on me. I worked in the legal profession for six years before I started law school. I worked mostly in insurance defense, but I did some foreclosure and real estate law too. I was not some naive 22 year old, with a gleam in her eye about doing public interest law, saving the world, and hugging it out with some indigent criminal defendants. I knew the employment statistics were rubbish. I knew the career services program at my law school was a total joke. I knew the legal profession was sexist and unforgiving, and generally did not pay very well. I knew a significant number of attorneys are miserable, horrible people, and several are downright sociopaths. But, dammit, I wanted to be a lawyer. Why? I thought I'd be damn good at it. I loved the legal profession, yet I'd never be satisfied being "just" a secretary, or even a paralegal. I wanted to climb the foodchain. I wanted to call the shots, I wanted the responsibility. I wanted a seat at the table. Was it hubris? Of course it was!

It still is. When I think of leaving the profession, going and doing something else, even something more "meaningful," I just can't. I crave being in the courtroom, even though I'm a nervous public speaker. I love the rush. I love problem-solving. I love the satisfaction of doing a good job. I love helping people, even unappreciative assholes. I love a challenge. I love taking something that terrifies me (public speaking) and making it my bitch. (The exception being spiders. Spiders, you win.)

But there are things about this profession I hate. I hate the job insecurity. I hate the sexist, racist, classist, douchebags that dominate this profession. I hate escalating emotional conflict. I hate time vampires. I hate risk. I hate not knowing what I'm doing. I hate billable hours. I really hate running a business. I hate goddamn people with goddamn personality disorders, and they're freakin' everywhere. I hate clients that don't paying their fucking bills as though my time is worthless. I hate clients that insult me, especially when I do a goddamn excellent job for them. I hate opposing counsel that plays nasty tricks, or tries to throw me under a goddamn bus. I hate how stuff keeps me up at night, and I have a hard time putting it to rest.

This is a damn hard profession. I'm a broke ass with a ton of debt, a shitty car, and I only get to eat because I married a guy who made better career choices. I practice poverty law. It fucking sucks. It's awesome when you get a great result and really help someone. It's a kick to the gut when there's someone really deserving that you can do absolutely nothing for. You get a helluva lot more kicks to the gut. I also practice family law, and that sucks too. People are petty assholes. They don't pay their bills. Those things are connected.

But on occasion, you get to do some real good for people, and I'm not saying that was worth the $140K I spent on obtaining three advanced degrees, but it dulls the pain a bit. On Monday, on MLK Day, I spent the entire morning meeting with opposing counsel and our clients concerning a custody dispute. We resolved it without litigation. We took two people who hate each other, and we worked through their issues, and we have a fantastic custody agreement in place that is great for that kid. They are a long way from being effective co-parents, but they took important first steps. It was worth working on my day off. For free. I love alternate dispute resolution. I want to be a mediator when I grow up. It will be a very long time before I grow up.

I took a reduced-fee custody case a few months back for a client who couldn't afford to pay much. Even with the reduced hourly rate, I wrote off several hours of work. I got the other party to sign an agreed custody order, which I took to him at the jail. We set up a visitation schedule and restrictions that will protect the kids, but give him the chance to work his way back up to being a dad, instead of losing his kids after the crap he's done. The client was so grateful. With her Christmas bonus, she paid her bill in full.

Yes, there are clients who are just assholes, and some days, some weeks, those clients over-shadow everything else and I just want to quit, go do something else, anything else. I still haven't figured out how to make this profession profitable. I'm too much of a bleeding heart, even still. I'm getting better though. I took a case for an old friend, and she hasn't paid me yet. And if she doesn't pay me, she can file her own responsive pleadings. I'm done doing pro bono for awhile. I'm so far over my recommended hours for the year, it's ridiculous. I'm tired of drowning in debt, while working my ass off. I need to take a page from a few colleagues, and pull out my Square device, plug it into my iPhone, and swipe some credit cards. (See above, where I discuss the $140K in student loans.)

However, if our grant money comes through, I'll be giving up solo practice to join the non-profit legal services world full time for the next 5 years. I will be making 2/3 the amount I was making at my first law job, out in Appalachia. (However, at least I won't be spending money on a second residence.) I will, however, have benefits, including free tuition. Husband's going back for his Doctorate this fall. I may do the same. Of course, I have to do another Master's first, since my Master's is a professional degree, without a thesis. But I think if that happens, I'll try to climb the food chain within the hospital. Work my way into middle management. I dunno. Try something different. But I just have a hard time giving up the idea of actually practicing law. I always had a hard time giving up poisonous relationships though. Why should law be any different?

MILP Roundup #234 -- Highlights of 2011

(If you hadn't noticed, we managed a bit of a hiatus on the roundups.)

First, an announcement. If you are a regular blogger in the MILP circle, and would like to help host the weekly roundup (and put in at least the bare minimum effort I've managed all this time... you can't get much lazier than me), please let me (or Butterflyfish or EH know). It's time for some new blood! (Some of us old blood need a break.)

As we have entered a new year (2012, if you haven't been paying attention), this roundup is dedicated to the retrospective, and introspective, of 2011, and wishes for the future.

Starting with...

RG and SuzieJD summarize the year.

CP reflects on four years, instead of just one.

Kate, Izzie and CM look back on achievements and forward to new goals.

For EH, 2011 sucked considerably less.

LEO definitely had one of the best years ever.

Momttorney brings in 2012 with hopes for the new year.

Cristy thinks money for 2012.

LL is up for new adventures.

Googiebaba lets go.

LC has an anniversary.

-R- gives her man a birthday to remember: sushi and car murals.

Jenny has the best new year's resolution ever: Drink better beer. (She needs suggestions!)

2011

At the start of 2011, I had just begun working part-time at the Clinic, was doing some contract work for a friend, and doing some solo work for myself. I had one kid. I was unknowingly pregnant. I'm reasonably sure it's my husband's, and not that of a mass-murdering angsty teenage rape ghost. But you never know.

Throughout 2011, however...

I wrote grant applications to fund my job that we didn't get.

I drafted a syllabus to pitch an externship we did get.

I lost a hearing and a friend went to jail. That friend lost to his addiction, and we lost him.

I grew a baby. It made me ill and uncomfortable, but thankful that everything was normal.

My car exploded. It tapped my savings to fix it.

A cousin got married. Another cousin had a baby. My husband's grandparents celebrated 60 years together.

We paid off most of my credit card debt.

My contract work dried up.

The world didn't end.

My kid plays the violin. I'm starting to remember how.

I applied for jobs and I didn't get interviews. I interviewed for jobs I didn't get.

In one month, I actually paid to practice law.

I had a baby.

I turned 29 again. My driver's license says 32. It's a fucking liar.

The Cult hurt my family once again. We had a roommate for 5 months. He learned to change diapers.

We refinanced our mortgage.

I had a baby baptised. I had another baby turn 4.

Husband is applying to graduate school for his doctorate. I'm waiting on a grant to see if I can work full time. So I can go back to school for my doctorate. We can't get enough of school.

Cora left her old school; her last day was today.

In 2011, I regained my confidence but lost my faith. I re-learned that I simply can't please some people no matter how hard I try. I learned that you make your own idea of success, and sometimes just rolling back the expectations helps. Keeping it simple helps. I had some wins and some losses. I think that's how it's always going to be. There were some people I really helped; there were others who just couldn't be saved. I try not to carry that with me, but it's impossible not to feel the weight of it anyway. I try to not let this profession engulf me, but it does. I struggle to not let it completely define me. But with two sleeping babies, a sleeping dog, and a husband off at work, it's what keeps me up at night.

Bi-weekly blogging

Not doing a very good job of blogging, but so much has been going on, I can't even keep up.

I now have a four-year-old little bunny. All kinds of sassy.


Sassy

Cora very much enjoyed her birthday. On her birthday, I made dinner. (Good Eats Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, broccoli, and macaroni and cheese. Not pictured.) Cora really enjoys setting the table and eating dinner at the dining room table, so we've been trying to do that a bit more. But we held off on her presents until Saturday at her party. I spent several weeks cleaning the house, going through stuff, putting stuff away, trying to get the house ready for the invasion of family.

We no longer have a house elf. He moved out the day after Cora's birthday, once his finals were done. Just in time for the family invasion. One sister and two nieces flew in that night, so MIL picked them up at the airport and drove them in from Louisville. Begin tornado effect.

Friday, poorly-timed, Cora and Vee had doctor's appointments, including shots. It was a very traumatic experience for Cora. She got four shots, in the legs, and howled horribly. Two of the shots are very painful, I'm told. Poor little bunny. Husband and I took turns carrying her back to the parking garage, and when we got home, they took a long nap. When she woke up, she was still snuffly, but Grandma was there to snuggle, so life was better.

The rest of the family got in on Saturday in time for the party. I had 10 children in my house, along with parents and Cora's grandparents. It was a rather insane idea for her birthday, but it worked out well. We had wine (which helped tremendously). We had nibbles (mostly cheese). We did crafts. I got a bunch of wooden picture frames from Michaels for a dollar each, and a bunch of craft stickers to decorate them. Also got a bunch of felt snowflakes to decorate, and gingerbread cookies. It was a big hit. They were all girls (other than my nephew, who didn't participate), the oldest being 10 and the youngest 2, but most were about 4 years old. Total, probably spent about $60 on the craft stuff. I also had beads to make necklaces, and I was going to print out coloring pages, but we never got to it. I expected the kids would get bored, but they were pretty excited about it. An hour and a half later, they were done, and it was time for cake and presents. I got gluten-free cupcakes from a local bakery for my nephew and MIL who have celiac. They were pretty good, considering [anything gluten-free usually tastes like ass]. And Cora had her Hello Kitty cake, which she had picked out. (Everything's Hello Kitty these days. It's invaded the daycare. All the kids are obsessed with it. I'm like WTF? Cora's even watching the cheesy Hello Kitty's Furrytale Theatre on Netflix, made back from the 80's. Weird shit.) I'm still waiting for the group photo from my FIL of the kids, and I'm going to get one printed for each kid so she can put it in her picture frame.

After the party, we all went to a local sushi restaurant, and got a room. Hyped up on sugar, it wasn't the most pleasant with the kids, and I'm sure the restaurant would have been pissed if it wasn't making a butt load off of us (with seven adults and five kids who can seriously do some damage on sushi, sake and Japanese beer). At least we were contained, so we (mostly) weren't bothering other patrons.

Then Sunday was the baptism. Vee was a very good girl. She wore the Christening gown that was made from her great-great-grandmother's wedding gown, and that all the kids for the past three generations have been baptized in. Husband's older sister is her godmother and his best friend is her godfather. She made no fuss when she got wet, nor when she was passed around for everyone to make the sign of the cross on her forehead. She's a chill baby. Then we came back to the house for more cheese (and other nibbles... but mostly cheese) and wine.


Catholic Baby

The family left on Monday, and whew, it was nice to have the house back to normal. We have yet to put up a Christmas tree (since it's so late in the season, we're just going to put up our artificial one, which I prefer, because I'm allergic to the damn things but Husband still insists on buying a real one every year).

Since then, I've been working on putting the house back into order, and also getting work done before the holidays. My co-worker at the Clinic has been on vacation and things have been NUTS. I also arranged for interviews for my friend/colleague, who has been needing a real secretary for awhile, but just keeps putting it off. She interviewed six people. Hopefully she'll finally pick one. Still no word on our grant money, but I don't expect we'll hear anything until January.

In the meantime, we've got more birthdays to celebrate, Christmas parties and New Years parties to attend. Last night we went back to the aforementioned sushi place to celebrate our friends' daughter's one-year birthday. We left our hellions at home with Grandma, that was nice. Grandma watched our kids, as well as Cora's BFF J and J's little sister S. Good to have a night out, child-free. A few other friends' kids were there, and I did feel bad for one of Cora's other friends (she was disappointed Cora and J weren't there), but it's nice to not have to monitor your children and actually enjoy your meal!

Anyway, we went to dinner, then went to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie. It was nice, because we rarely go to the movies, unless there's something we really really want to see. Anyway, enjoyed it a lot, even if it is "kung-fu Sherlock." On the other hand, the BBC show Sherlock is coming back on in January for the second series. Super excited about that one, much more excited than I was about the new movie. Just re-watched the first series, and it's just so freakin awesome. (It's streamed on Netflix, if anyone hasn't seen it.) Of course, anything Stephen Moffat does is freakin' awesome, but the show is one of the rare modernizations of classic stories that really works (as opposed to really offending me), and speaks to how timeless the characters really are. (For example, the original Dr. Watson served and was wounded in Afghanistan in 1880 in the *second* Anglo-Afghan war. 130 years later, the Brits are back in Afghanistan thanks to us, where Moffat's Dr. Watson is wounded in battle. I guess some things don't change, and after numerous wars there, we haven't learned to stay the fuck out of Afghanistan yet.)

In other news, I'm getting ginormously fat. I rejoined Weight Watchers, and gained even more weight after that. I managed to gain 10 pounds since Violette was born. Fail. I crawled back on the wagon, and I've since dropped a few of those pounds, and now am only 5 pounds above post-pregnancy weight. Ugh. I have a friend willing to train me, for free, because he wants the experience. I'm going to take him up on that after the new year (and pay him some too).

Cora starts her new school in January. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it, but Cora seems excited about it, so that's good. Maybe she's less sentimental than me. She definitely doesn't have an issue making friends.

So, that's that. I think I covered everything. Yeah.